quoting meredith grey for the nth time

from Season 4's Forever Young episode:

In some ways we grow up; we have families... we get married, divorced... but for the most part we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling... forever wondering, forever... young.

There comes a point in your life, when you’re officially an adult. Suddenly, you’re old enough to vote, drink and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible, serious, a grown-up. We get taller, we get older.But do we ever really grow up?

kate hit it

Pagpaparaya.

26 August 2009

On hindsight, I realized, Pagpaparaya is equivalent to Pagpapatawad. There is really much of forgiving to do in this world. Well, I am certain in my heart, I have forgiven and I have let go. :)

all i want for Christmas

No doubt it's Christmas already. The cool breeze is blowing again (am wishing it snows...hehe), Christmas songs playing, party skeds crowd the calendar, and Starbucks is starting the sticker craze again. Hehe.

...And since gift-giving has been a tradition. I am drawing up a list of the things I want to receive for Christmas. Hehe. By the way, one of the languages of love is receiving (and giving) gifts... so everyone, it's time to be loving. :p

1) Corrinne May's CDs. (Safe in a crazy world; Fly Away; Beautiful Seed)
2) An Original DVD of "A Very Special Love."
3) A dinner date with John Lloyd Cruz. :) (promise, sobrang saya ko pag nangyari to!)
4) 120Gb Ipod Classic or 32Gb Ipod Touch
5) red flip-flops
6) law books, i.e. Persons and Family Relations, and Property by Atty. Rabuya; Compilation of commercial Laws Vols 1 and 2, codals, RPC Book II by JLB Reyes (para di na ako bibili...hehe)
7) Captivating by Stasi and John Eldredge
8) Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
9) Round trip ticket to Singapore or London (get me out of this country)
10) A purple/violet school bag
11) Red dress
12) More plain shirts
13) That Starbucks planner... red please.

So far, yan muna... Hehe.

my belated sun dance affair

FINALLY, I've seen "A Very Special Love" featuring Sarah Geronimo and John Lloyd Cruz. My sister, the tech-wiz that she is, worked magic to show me the movie. Thanks, Em.

Being a tagalog-movie freak (Yes, I am. Bear with it), I enjoyed every bit of it. It's been a hundred minutes of laughter and tears, really. Uulitin ko to!

Here's a clip:




Waaaahh! Asan ka na John Lloyd ng buhay ko?

Itutuloy ko ang pagbo-blog ko tungkol dito next time. Tama na, sobra na ang pagrerelax ko.

fly, fly

I suddenly felt I wanted to go abroad. Nah, not do an exodus and leave the mess the Philippines is, but simply to have a down time and recharge. Yes, school has just started. But looking back, I realized I really never had a real "vacation" since the year started. Besides, senior year has been too fast-paced (which is expected anyway).

I miss the smell inside airplanes. I miss the view from the top. I miss the busy airports.

Bottom line, I want a getaway. It's been more than a year since my last trip and too bad our Taiwan trip for Christmas folded up. Maybe Singapore is a good destination. That way I can visit Des again. Maybe in summer.

Oh, summer come soon. =)

alter ego

One time, I was bored and looking for something new in my life. Thus, I birthed changingtides.i.ph. I liked the layout, but am having a problem transferring all my entries from here to there. So, until I figured out how to do that, I will be maintaining two blog sites (crap!).

Will keep you friends posted in case, I've finally decided what I'll do with my blogging life. ;)

corrinne may

I have been going gaga over her music. Love 'em. =)


Current Favorites: Five loaves and two fishes (Beautiful Seed); Everything In Its Time, Little Superhero Girl (Safe in A Crazy World) ; Angel in Disguise; Fall to Fly, If You Didn't Love Me(Fly Away)

By the way, she's Catholic. ;)

alice in wonderland and the cheshire cat

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to walk from here? asked Alice.
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” responded the cat.
“I don’t much care where,” said Alice.
“Then it doesn’t much matter which way you walk,” replied the cat.

retirements and selling birthrights.

I want to own a house by the beach—preferably a cove. The thought of being awaken by the sound of the waves kissing the shore, or walking barefoot on fine, white sand, or witnessing spectacular sunrises and sunsets day in and out is just pure bliss.

I still have to settle where in the Philippines I will situate my haven, although I already have locations in mind.

******

Semestral break is nearing its end and I am catching up on TV (other than DVD marathons). As I was flicking channels, I chanced upon what seemed to be documentary about retiring in the Philippines in one of the government-owned networks.

Apparently, one of the present government’s thrust is to promote retirement in the Philippines targeting the “foreign market”. This means that the government is active in inviting foreigners to migrate in our country and permanently reside here (which also means influx of dollars in the Philippine economy). The Philippine Retirement Authority (PRA) under the Bureau of Investments is the agency concerned in the processing of Special Resident Retiree’s Visa (SRRV). This gives foreigners the privilege to stay indefinitely in the Philippines with all the benefits and comfort—including owning properties, practicing professions, access to public schools for their children and many others.

No matter how much dollars this may bring in the Philippine Economy, I still find this alarming, absurd, and abhorrent.

This perhaps explains the Korean phenomena that everywhere Filipinos are there are twice or thrice the number of Koreans too. Statistics show that Korean migration has tripled in only a year's time. All along I have been surmising that they have only wanted to get educated in our schools, I never realized that they have really intended to reside in our homeland.

The opening segment of the documentary featured a Japanese national, with his wife, who has purchased an entire island in Cebu. Within this island, the locals depend on the livelihood provided by the couple. Another segment showed a Korean couple residing in a retiree’s village in Tagaytay. They own a house and employed two house helps and a driver—all Filipinos. Another Korean family in Makati employed themselves a Filipino chauffeur. This migration might have resulted to employment to some of our countrymen, but it is just very saddening to realize we are still servants to foreigners in our very own soil—and we even happily oblige. Has our hospitality really gone overboard? I understand how most Filipinos render services in foreign countries as medical staff, domestic helpers or teachers. But I cannot comprehend why even in our own homeland our fellow Filipinos allow themselves to be treated as inferiors. Have we really lost our sense of dignity that we are willing to trade anything in exchange of money? Has “poverty” really pushed us this far? Has discrimination became our comfort zone that we allow this even in our own backyard? Or we are simply sick mentally carrying in our heads the perspective that foreigners are our salvation?

The Korean family which I previously mentioned included two children who are given by PRA the privilege to access our public schools. I held out a smirk. How dare us allow children of other nations to public schools where in fact we cannot even provide quality education to our youth? How in the world will be allow another student share a book with a Filipino child, if we cannot even provide books for each student? Will they also fight for a chair against the other 60+ students? Worse, if these kids go to college, are they also allowed to go to UP, when most of our Filipino youth even haggle their way in against those from the elite, private schools?

Going back to the Japanese couple owning an entire island in the south, how come they were allowed to own property as vast as that? In the long term, if all these retirees will be allowed to do such, will there still be enough land mass left for the Filipinos? Has our government forgotten that millions of Filipinos does not even know what a land title looks like? Or are we really selling our country piecemeal? Mahilig talaga tayo sa tingi.

Has the Filipinos turned out to be greedy in the course of industrialization that all that we think about is money? Are ready to give up our birthrights in exchange of $50,000 which these foreigners pay to get SRRV? Or simply, we have just lost our sense of identity?

Juan, I refuse to be wake up one morning with chatters in language I do not know. (You’d hear them in elevators in most of the condominiums in the metro.)

Give me some enlightenment, please.

I may be sounding like an activist. I may be an idealist but I remain dreaming that the Philippines will rise in this in its glory. I love my country and perhaps that fuels my hope. If nationalism is passé, I know nothing else that would save the Philippines from going down the pit.

If You Love Someone, Ask Them For Nothing

If you love someone, ask them for nothing. Don't hold them back from their destiny. Don't keep them from going off in search of their own answers. Don't ask them for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don't ask them for promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises has come.

And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires.

But should they not return to you, then life hasn't cheated you because no promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored your life, that knowing them has already made life infinitely more meaningful.

By setting a person free, you run a risk of them not returning. But always remember that you found them beautiful precisely because they were free. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can't hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People CHOOSE to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options. Love has no restrictions and it is through mistakes that sometimes we see the right answer. Because if you love someone, you ask them for nothing and they will come back to you.
----------

Got this from Sari. Nice, eh? It did warmed my heart.

an encounter with a god

Yesterday, Calai, being the Labor Commissioner for Bar Ops 2008, finally sat down with DCG as the adviser for the pre-week review materials. Since I am one of her members (and friend), I got the privilege to sit down with them.

See, DCG may ordinarily appear to be an ordinary lawyer, but tell you he is one hell of a legal genius. Save to say that he is the lawyer of several seemingly impossible cases, but his brains come out with arguments that the not any average lawyer can concoct. And he wins. Personally, DCG has been my saving grace. This may be too psychological, but after I've finished Labor Relations under him I felt I have hope for the Labor Bar Exam. I have to admit that my foundation in Labor Law from my former school wasn't very impressive at all.

After several minutes of categorizing schools and how they train their lawyer wannabees (He's from UP and I guess, I can't take away the discrimination from him), DCG gave out his personal advice as regards how Calai and I should prepare for the bar in 2010. For other people, it may be two far years away, but I agree with him that we are actually running out of time. Eight bar subjects summing four years of supposedly diligent study is not joke. Of course, everyone, including me, wants to take it once and only once. So, they say: "Gagawin mo na nga lang, gawin mo na ng maayos." Kung pede nga lang, i-top mo pa.

I now knew why I was delayed in taking my big B exam...kasi kelangan ko pala muna ma-meet si DCG. Hahaha! Fan ito! Seriously, am fueled up. Galing!

what dreams may come

I just read Kate's blog about dreams--being her night visions in her sleep and those which he envisions to be and have. And so this blog entry.

Last night, Dee and I were texting about stuff that are happening with our lives. (See, we talk a lot. Partida pa yan, kasi magkasama pa kami nung gabi. Hahaha!) In one of her replies in my seemingly provoking comments, she said: "Faith, I am a woman who also gets what I want.... Lalalalala." To which, I asked myself, "Ikaw Faith, are you getting what you want? What is it that you really want?" I intimated these thoughts to Dee, and of course she returned the question back to me. I had a seemingly precise answer, although deep within I know it wasn't the summation of my desire. Perhaps, I didn't feel the sense of certainty with my reply.

I know what I want in certain areas of my life. I know that I want to become a lawyer, have more than enough money for security and comfort. I want to have a loving husband and adorable kids as well. I also want to help others. The Mother Teresa in me kicks in too, y'know? I do dream to see the Philippines rise above the ashes that we dig for ourselves. Nevertheless, it's like having a picture in puzzle pieces and such puzzle pieces aren't found just yet. At this point, everything else is seen in mist. As if am staring at an unfinished painting, and after completing it, soon I'll be stepping into it.

I will quote the Bible passage commented by Kate's friend:

"Write the vision
And make it plain on tablets,
That he may run who reads it.
For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
Though it tarries, wait for it;
Because it will surely come,
It will not tarry.
Behold the proud,
His soul is not upright in him;
But the just shall live by his faith." (Habakkuk 2:2-4)

Indeed, dreams do have to be clear for you to have it. Hold it in your head and soon you'll hold it in your hand. Whether it's gonna be a long before it comes, it is still gonna come. It's the resilience of holding unto it. Whether it is a test of how bad you want it to happen or a weeding out of fleeting whims, nevertheless we should not lose faith.

This is such an inspiring morning.

lying is not an option.

One of my professors commented that honesty does not have premium under the law. Partly true. See, in criminal law, admission of guilt can mitigate the penalty you will suffer. Nevertheless, it does not remove your liability.

But come to think of it, isn't that what nature dictates upon? Are we really not supposed to suffer/enjoy the consequences of our choices?

Are we really thinking that lying can leave us unscathed?

________________

I am not perfect, nor have I always told the truth. But I am always wary of people who lie--worse to your face.

Oh well, this happens all the time, but hopefully not to people you share special relationships with. For me, it's the highest form of insincerity and disrespect. It mars trust.

As I always say: "Even if it's gonna hurt me, let me know the truth. That way it won't be doubly painful."

In relationships, lying is not an option. It isn't a brave thing to do.

________________

I can't help it. I have taken a step back...make that two.

sunshine = happiness

I never fail to tell people how much I love it when the sun starts to shine after several days of heavy rain. I love the feeling of waking in a morning full of the sun's glory--the warmth that replaces the cool air and the brightness that shows the color of everything around. Haayy. =) Saya.

Just like today. More than the departure of bagyong Helen, it feels like my life's rainy days have come to an end as the sun starts to shine again. A happy feeling brews inside of me. Feels like there are a lot of good things to come. Hehe. Can't wait. ;)
________

Oh, by the way. I did have happy rainy days the past few days though. ;) Surprisingly. Thanks to someone who loves it when it rains. ;)

do the gods envy lawyers too?

The problem with the profession that I am treading is that, it frowns upon display of emotions. It expects every lawyer to bracket himself from feeling any untoward emotion for the cause of the client. Oftentimes, the lawyer needs to deny himself of whatever feelings he may have at a certain point in time, concerning personal stuff, in order to see things in a more logical and rational perspective. Heavy, powerful me-emotions are not allowed to get in the way.

Emotions blur reason.

Maybe.

However, reason dictates also that humanity requires emotion. Does that mean, lawyers aren’t allowed to be human?

Stop.

I have always believed I am a cerebral person.

Stubborn.

How come at this point it is my heart which is stubborn? Is that possible? Or better yet, maybe it is really my head which is stubborn to dictate to my heart to stop that crap.

Stop.

Earlier this morning, I woke up seeing my brother watching Troy on DVD. I sat for a while, and joined him. That scene when Achilles “rescued” Briseis from the Myrmidons caught me. The conversation inside the tent was suddenly heard at a different tone. Achilles’ words pierced me. He said: " The gods envy us. They envy us because we're mortal, because any moment may be our last. Everything is more beautiful becuase we're doomed."

Is this my rhema for today?

Stop.

I should be reading my CTA cases in the library. Damn.

I better get ready for school.

starbucks thoughts

Sometimes, no matter how logical you might be wired or trained to see and approach things, life will always find a way to suddenly frustrate you by presenting unexpected twists and turns. Even if your mind profusely refuse to reconcile these occurrences, you are only left to succumb what is impossible can be possible. Or console yourself that perhaps the world has its own cosmical law which isn't governed by logic.

Sometimes, on hindsight, you only get to wonder that indeed the series of events that unfolded in your life happened in the exact order as they should have happened; That you start to agree with the world that things do fall in their proper places, when in fact at the time these things start to occur you were in oblivion of why and how things can possibly be. Those were the times when you were hunted by endless questions which then does not offer any answer except for some glimmer of hope that maybe life has something better in store. Someday. Somehow.

Then finally you start to settle with the belief that we live in a life full of mystery. Where no matter how much we prepare for what th future holds we are left to still expect the unexpected. Paradoxically, we work for permanence in a constantly changing plane.

Wicked, isn't it?

love lessons from sex and the city

I was never an avid follower of Sex and the City on HBO. But recently, ever-faithful friend Wena asked me to see the movie with her. Oh men! I loved it. I too am in search of those two L's: Labels and Love. Hahaha! This movie is a "must-see". Girls, go see it with your girlfriends and cherish them for they are your sisters and allies. And go see it with your boyfriends too, so they'd understand our quirks and idiosyncrasies. ;)

I found this article from Cosmopolitan.com and I am reposting it. Nice.

Case study: Miranda and Steve
When Miranda met bartender Steve Brady, she was skeptical as usual. He was nice (and easy on the eyes) but clearly not relationship material. Not surprisingly, their divergent careers created problems: conflicting schedules, fights about money, and different outlooks on life. Miranda could have deleted his number from her BlackBerry, but ultimately, his laid-back personality and devotion won her over. The unlikely pair started a family and eventually tied the knot.
Lesson #1: Date against your type.

Case study: Carrie and Aidan
Hot furniture designer Aidan was everything Carrie thought she wanted in a man: emotionally available, honest, and ready to commit. Aidan wanted Carrie to meet his parents, have the keys to his apartment, and eventually be his wife. She attempted to change by quitting smoking (and nixing her addiction to Mr. Big), giving country life a shot, and wearing his engagement ring around her neck. But no matter how hard Carrie tried, she couldn't commit to any of it. While Aidan seemed perfect on paper, he wasn't the ideal guy for Carrie.
Lesson #2: Don't change for a man, no matter what.

Case study: Charlotte and Trey
An optimist with a very romantic view of love, Charlotte believed her dreams had come true when she was literally rescued by the single, wealthy, and handsome Dr. Trey MacDougal. Despite some major red flags — a lackluster marriage proposal, a meddling mother-in-law, and a sexless honeymoon — Charlotte was determined to make the relationship work. Although she gave it her all, their union still failed.
Lesson #3: Never ignore the warning signs that tell you a relationship isn't working.
Case study: Carrie and Berger
Witty writer Jack Berger had these famous last words for Carrie, written on a Post-it note: "I'm sorry, I can't. Don't hate me." After the abrupt end to their short, rocky relationship, Carrie vowed to spend the same amount of time getting over her breakup as Berger had spent ending it. If only it were that easy. Though Carrie managed to avoid him, she ended up melting down in front of his friends, which undoubtedly got back to him. She learned that it's better to face the music (or in her case, the Post-it note) and get it over with.
Lesson #4: As painful as breakups can be, you have to mourn before moving on.

Case study: Samantha and Smith
Samantha's dating philosophy: "I'm a trysexual. I'll try anything once." Her only rule was to never fall in love. She was so set in her man-eating ways that when she scouted and seduced a gorgeous waiter at a raw food restaurant, she didn't even ask his name. She encouraged the struggling young actor to play out his sexual fantasies and took him under her wing professionally, changing his name to Smith Jerrod and making him the Absolut Hunk. Somewhere between sex and stardom, Samantha fell in love and eventually confessed to Smith, "You've meant more to me than any man I have ever known."
Lesson #5: Dare to fall in love.

Case study: Carrie and Mr. Big
Sure, Carrie might have done some of the chasing, but in the end it was Mr. Big who showed up at her door the day she left New York City for Paris. Angry that his timing was always off, she screamed, "Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name!" But he didn't give up. He called to tell her he loved her, and fortunately, Charlotte was there to answer his desperate call. The next day, he met the ladies for brunch and admitted, "You're the loves of her life, and a guy would be lucky to come in fourth." With their blessing, Mr. Big went to Paris to get "their" girl.
Lesson #6: Let him chase you.

Case study: Carrie
The eternal single girl had her share of romances, chronicled in her weekly column, but the truest love story is the one she wrote for herself. Bad luck and messy breakups were de rigueur in Carrie's life. By surviving the pitfalls — a Manolo-mugging, a computer crash, and a very embarrassing fashion fall — Carrie gained the confidence and strength to continue her search for true love. "The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself," she said. "And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."
Lesson #7: Be fearlessly single.

it's a girl thing

For the past few days I have noticed that I have non-nonchalantly throwing sharp comments on people. I have this irritating feeling flowing all-over me that I become too nitpicky on things (Oh yeah, fine, I am naturally like that but I am extra-critical, lately). I am not as tolerant as I can be. I whine more frequently. Then, on another instant, I sink into sentimentality. I suddenly start to miss things, people and stuff. Out of the blue I want to be touched. I also feel like bursting into tears for nothing. WHAAAAH!

Tell you this is happening in flicks of seconds (Nah, that's exaggeration.) I am going haywire!

Is this part of the reason why women are labeled as erratic? Maybe. We really are.

This is killing me. It's as if am sick or what have you. Truth being, I guess this is just part of that mood swings that is a result of the biological changes occurring monthly in women. I've also read in one article that there is really a link between moods and hormones. It says:

Although mood disorders and depression may occur at any age during a woman’s life, women seem to more vulnerable during times of hormonal fluctuations such as the menstrual period, pregnancy and perimenopause, according to a report released by the Society for Women’s Health Research in November (2007).

During times of hormonal flux, many women are able to emerge relatively unscathed. But for others, a normal hormonal transition can trigger mild to severe mood disorders including depression and bipolar disorder. “Science has revealed clues as to why these changes may occur in some women,” says Peter Schmidt, M.D., an investigator in the National Institute of Mental Health’s Reproductive Endocrine Studies Unit, “but further research is needed to definitively show what causes depression and mood disorders in women during hormonal transitions.”

Now, I say, it's fun being a girl...most of the time.

ten random things

Tagged by Berna, Nina, and Calai.

1. Each blogger starts with 10 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. Bloggers who are tagged need to blog about their own 10 random facts/habits.
3. At the end of your blog, tag 10 people and list their names.
4. Don't forget to leave them a comment and tell them that they've been taggged and to read your blog.

======

1. I am a true blooded Thomasian. I was born and had practically lived in UST almost all my life.

2. I love Pakbet and Kare-Kare.

3. I can do things alone. I watch movies alone, stroll in the mall, alone. A nice downtime for me is a day alone in a coffee shop with a book and lots and lots of coffee. But am hoping I won't spend the rest of my life alone. (Nyahahaha!)

4. I wanted to play soccer when I was younger. I was just too lazy to run, so I contended myself watching the games.

5. I enjoy climbing mountains and exploring the underwater. (Sir Bubut, sama na ako sa dive. Hehe!)

6. I have a huge crush on Paolo Bediones since fourth year high school. I even wanted to take Interdisciplinary Studies in Ateneo because of him. Wahahaha!

7. Jap food is comfort food.

8. I listen to all kinds of music EXCEPT metal rock. Rap is tolerable but I'm certainly not a fan.

9. I am starting up a new collection: beers. (Kath, got me the choco-beer from Japan. Tenchu, Kath! I got this king can San Mig Pale Pilsen produced in Thailand from Subic. When I placed them side by side... I thought it will be good to collect these kinda stuff. Hehe!)

10. I soooooo love to travel. :) Window seats on airplanes are the best.

I am tagging (no particular order):

1. em
2. carol
3. estar
4. kath
5. zeny
6. ysabs
7. paloy
8. tidoy
9. sari
10. keewy

giddy.

The first time I loved forever
Was when you whispered my name
And I knew at once you loved me
For the me of who I am 

The first time I loved forever
I cast all else aside
And I bid my heart to follow
Be there no more need to hide

And if wishes and dreams
Are merely for children
And if love's a tale for fools
I'll live the dream with you
For all my life and forever
There's a truth I'll always know
When my world divides and shatters
Your love is where I'll go