top ten blessings for 2010 ++

Although 2010 isn't officially over, I took the liberty to enumerate the blessings I received this year and pick those ten that blew my mind away. 

1) Finishing Law School

After five long years of reading Supreme Court jurisprudence, books and annotations, memorizing provisions of law, enduring classroom recitations with cruel professors and having cups (or even tumblers) of coffee, I have finally reached the end of this journey of learning. I finally graduated from law school. My law school story was not a smooth one. Somewhere in the middle, I had to stop, take a break and continue three semesters later in a different school. Law school was where my best and worst was let out. It was also where my dreams where sifted. It was one of the toughest paths I took, but surely it was fun. Getting up the stage and receiving my awards was tops. It was truly a crowning moment!

 Receiving my Leadership Award from Mr. Cayco

 With co-awardee, Carlisle and our parents

My Batch! 

2) Coron 

Paradise. Good times.

Coron was perfect to cap law school and start the review for the Bar. Together with my friends from law school, we wasted four days on the beach doing nothing but rest and make good memories. Beer. Good food. White sand. Waves. Warm sun. Laughter. And lots of pictures. Truly a piece of heaven. 

3) Bar Review

Almost half of my 2010 was devoted to reviewing for the Bar Examinations. I spent my days (and nights sometimes) re-reading my old text books, devouring review materials, seriously squeezing in my brain every bit of material information that I think I can use during the exam. Almost six months to prepare for the eight bar subjects. It was a season of perseverance, self-discipline and grace. It was hair-splitting, sometimes boring because day in and out I was doing the same things over and over. It has surely pushed me to my limits. Thank God for friends and study buddies for keeping me sane. :)

4) Bar Examinations

These are the four Sundays of my life that I will never forget. The longest September I ever had. Awesome. Outstanding. Mind-boggling. Nerve wracking. Emotional roller-coaster. The beginning of the fulfillment my dreams. :) 

5) LOJ Campus Missions

This year I was blessed by God with seven men--Carlo, John Ben, Migs, JYo, Chao, Raser and JC. These men possessed hearts which are devoted to Jesus and His ministry.

One week after the Bar Examinations, I received individual text messages from these men telling me that they have chosen me to be the Admin Head of the LOJ Campus Missions. I was floored! It was an honor to serve God through this ministry of touching the lives of the young people in campuses. Truly humbling. Working with the brothers was challenging considering that I have to relate with seven different personalities (plus our director, Daddy Obet). My blessing though is that I was able to be establish friendships with them before I took on the job. :) This is my first time to say this: These seven men changed my life, brought me healing and filled me with so much love. Thank God for the seven of you, guys. I love you all from the deepest of my heart. :)

 UST College of Commerce Retreat, Tagaytay

 Visiting Migs at the Hospital

Missionaries Meeting, Lighthouse

6) Birthday Surprises

I love surprises and this year....I got three. :)

7) Carlisle

This year, I renewed my friendship with Carlisle. Our friendship was greatly tested last year, that almost made me give up on it. But the Lord was faithful to give us the chance to restore, rekindle and renew it. The Bar season pulled us closer and she was my hope giver then. :) 

8) Unibersidad ng Pilipinas (UP)

I would have been an Iskolar had my mom not refused the idea. Although for years now, I have grown a certain affinity to this University. I had friends who allowed me to make good memories in its campus. This year UP has become a big part of my life--my study buddy and I would sometimes visit and attempt to study here; isaw trips; Rodick's detox moments; UP Campus Feast; tambays with friends. UP = Good times. :)

9) Light Of Jesus Family

Need I say more? :) 

I had a convo with Niki Yokingko and I have expressed how blessed I am to have been blessed with people who walk with you through life like family; people who pray for you; people who desire Jesus as much as you do; people who wish the best for you; and people who just simply make a little heaven down here with. :)

10) My sister, Margareth, a.k.a Bebe

She is my favorite sister, because she is my only sister I got. :) This year our relationship leveled up and got deeper than ever. She's the first person I tell how my review day was. She took care of my during the Bar even if she was younger than me. Alabyu bebe. :)

....and just to end the year

God gave me a bonus. I got work as Christmas gift. :) I'm starting in January! :)

frisbee and catching grace

At the start of this year, I attempted to learn how to play ultimate (frisbee). I may not be the athletic type, but it interested me a lot that I had to play every Monday with my friend's team in Ortigas.

First lesson:  Skills on catching and throwing the disc. It was a bit technical, like when catching the disc one must position his hands, arms, and legs in a particular way. Watching the disc fly towards you can be very intimidating at first. It can also be frustrating. On the first few tries you'll miss it. The disc will fall on your toes, or fly pass you. When you finally catch it, sometimes it will hurt. Eventually, you'll get the hang of it. You'll learn how to estimate the distance between you and your teammate; the speed of the disc; and to which direction the disc will probably go to.

At this point of my faith journey, I realized that catching frisbee is also like catching grace. One must be poised for it. God throws grace towards us--material, physical, emotional, spirtual--name it. Oftentimes it comes unexpected. Precisely why, one must be equipped to catch it without miss, lest it falls on the ground or somebody else catches it.

I had a chitchat with a friend's mom and she reminded me that I am exactly in a position where grace is at my disposal. I may not feel it, but I would like to believe she is correct. It is overwhelming but I hope I've practiced my stance well so I won't miss my grace. :)

Weeks after my skills lesson, my friend was throwing me some sharp curves... and I am able to catch the disc with poise. I can still hear him say, "Niiice. Gumaling ka na ha. (Nice. You're doing great now.)" I wish I can hear that from Papa God too. :)

Eat, Pray, Tacsiyapo! in no particular order with Carlisle and Bee

After our bar exams, I joined Carlisle, her mom and her lola in visiting the Shrine of Our Lady of Manaoag in Pangasinan. Since Bee is in La Union, we asked her to join us also. So, she drove from LU to Manaoag. It was a very long drive, most of the time I was asleep but the stops are surely fun.

We left Manila around 8am. It was a little late because Carlisle's lola still had to come from Batangas. Thanks to SCTEx, we arrived Manaoag at past 11 am. We lit candles for the intentions we are praying for and attended the 12noon mass.

 Manaoag Shrine from afar

 Mine

Bee saying her prayers before lighting the candles

 Outside the Church while waiting for the 11am Mass to finish

It was Fr. Jerry Orbos who said the 11am Mass

In front of the Church

L-R Carlisle's lola, Tita Evelyn (Carlisle's Mom),

Carlisle and Me

After the Mass, we decided to eat in Matutina's in Bonuan, Dagupan (a nearby town). It is very famous for it's delicious and fresh seafoods. Tummies are all crumbling by 1:30pm. We arrived at Matutina's at around 2pm.  And here are the main stars of our lunch:

We also had Boneless Bangus, Sinigang na Baboy, 

Inihaw na talong with Bagoong and BBQ. Yum!

And of course, before we leave... :)

After stuffing ourselves to the hilt, we went back to Manaoag for Lola to kiss the image of Our Lady and to buy some pasalubongs for her friends. It was already almost 5pm. On our way back to Manila, Tita Evelyn wanted to drop by Isdaan, a restaurant alongside the National Highway of Tarlac. The ambience of the place was superb. Guests are lodged in separate kubos where they will eat. These kubos are placed on a barge floating on a man made fish pond of carpas. :)

Ponds are 9ft. deep

Carlisle and I enjoyed ourselves because of the statues of well-known people around the park and three security guards. :) We later found out that the material used for these statues are lahar ashes.

Ninoy Aquino, Cory Aquino and Cardinal Sin and Erap

The three Stooges este guards.

Of course, I wouldn't miss a chance of a photo op with one of my favorite superheroes:

Iron Man! Tony Stark, I ♥ you. :)

We ate dinner. Tita ordered Adobong Pusit, Bulalo, Green Mango Salad and Spareribs (which is not in the photo). Nom, nom, nom. :)

You can also find in the place the infamous Tacsiyapo. I have always thought of going here after the Bar and I am really happy I did, more happy it is unintentional though. :) According to them, Tacsiyapo is a word used in their local dialect to express disgust or frustration. The attraction though, provides of a wall where you can throw various things against like plates, glasses, vases or TV if you please. The goal is to release "anger". Talk about healthy anger management. Haha. But a little pricey though. :) Each medium sized plate costs Php 18. The cheapest is a mug at Php 15. :)

Guess which part I targeted

Above are stuffs sold at respective amounts 

to be thrown against the wall. 

Carlisle released her first plate. :)

I threw 3 medium sized plates and it felt nice. :) Video to be posted next time. :)

Stella Maris

A week after the Bar month, I paid the Blessed Mother a visit in her shrine in Manaoag, Pangasinan with Carlisle, Bee, Michael, Tita Evelyn (Carlisle's Mom) and Carlisle's lola.

I have always been a devotee of the Blessed Mother.  Ever since I was young, I would always pray to her and ask for protection and help. When I took my Bar Examinations, it is to her that I offered my sacrifices. It is to her that I usually ask for intercession to God especially during the times of frustration and doubt. I would run and cry to her whenever everything I do seems futile...and through all those months the Virgin did not fail me. 

I used to ask a priest friend what does it mean to have a devotion. We never really discussed it fully, yet it dawned to me that devotion leads one to faith, which later leads the person to imitate the virtues of the devoted and eventually grow in them. (I was surprised that the Lumen Gentium says the the same thing. Maybe it's the Wisdom from the Lady.)

On background is the front of the 

Shrine of Our Lady in Manaoag

The week after the Dominican Community in Sto. Domingo in Quezon City celebrated the Feast of Our Lady of the Holy Rosary of La Naval. I have been joining the Grand Procession ever since I was in high school. So for years now, this has been a tradition and a personal devotion to offer decades of Rosary and follow our Lady as she visit the streets. 

This year, I failed to join the procession but I still made it a point to pay her a visit on that day. As usual, I thanked the Blessed Virgin for  all the favors she bestowed on me and renewed my commitment to her and God. I invited a few other friends to come, and I was blessed to know they too were blessed by the experience. 

Our Lady of the La Naval sitting on her throne

Blessed Mother, Thank you for taking me in as your daughter. Thank you for continuously caring for me as your own. I praise God for Jesus' generosity to give you to us as our Mother. May we be worthy to be called your children. Place me always under the mantle of your maternal protection and bestow upon me the grace to be like you. I seek to also cooperate with God in the completion of his Will. Guide me always, remain to be the Star which leads me to the Heaven my heart longs for. Amen. 

One Fine Isaw Day

Our Iskolar ng Bayan Katie hollered to the Ward 7 girls to accompany her in University of the Philippines (UP) to enroll for Advanced Pre-Bar Review...and to eat ISAW from the famous Mang Larry's Isawan. (Isaw is a Filipino street food made of grilled pork or chicken intestines.) Only Bee and I are available. So, at around 11am Kate and Bee picked me up from Espana and off we went.

Katie decided to go to Trinoma first to have her photo taken and to pick up some Smencils for her online shop. Since, we're already hungry we decided to ate lunch. Here are some of the photos. :)

 That's Bee. As usual, she's hungry...again. :)

\

My favorite lunch combo from World Chicken. 

(Grilled Chicken with Ranch BBQ Sauce, 

Pomodoro Spaghetti and Potato Salad for sidings)

At around 2pm we drove off to UP. I love going to UP because of the ambiance and a little nostalgia. It feels like you're being transported out of Manila in minutes. :)

I dint get a picture of the Oblation because that was when

 Katie asked both Bee and I to look at the back for a picture. 

Hahaha! Goodluck sa bangga!

Kate successfully registered herself with the UP Law Center. We also met an old guy, who apparently was a former Dean and he started joking with us. A few sarcastic humor from him, then we said goodbye. Bee was so excited to go to Chocolate Kiss in Bahay ng Alumni for dessert. 

We ordered Devil's Food Cake and Chocolate Suite. :)

My vote was for the Kahlua Chocolate Cake (one with brown icing) and Katie and Bee's is the Devil's Food Cake. I must admit though that it was also good. I am just a coffee junkie. After stuffing ourselves with sugar, Tanya, Bee's friend, came and decided to join us for Isaw! This is really it! :)

It was 3.30pm when we arrived at Mang Larry's Isawan Stall. They are still setting up then but orders are being taken already. We ordered *toot* sticks of Isaw na Baboy, *toot* sticks of Isaw na Manok, *toot* sticks of Tenga ng Baboy, and *toot* packs of chicharon. This is really obscene. :p Here are the pieces of evidence. 

Ate: "Pangalan?"

Katie: "Bee po/"

Ate: "Ve, as in Vektori"

Hilarious!

Cooking hot...

Take your pick! :)

Yum!

..and there was none. Hihi.

After having our load of Isaw, we went  to the shopping center for some Sago't Gulaman and Fishball. It was on Tanya. Yahoo! :)

Katie on her Sago't Gulaman

Pishbol, bow!

I would have wanted to have Palitaw and Balot. But I am so stuffed it was too difficult to move. Haha. :) 

Bye, UP. Til next time. :)

teased...and so these thoughts. :)

I am being teased my friends that one good thing that will come out from my moving out is that I'll meet "the one" for me. I would always let out a lil loud chuckle (which I did as finished typing the last statement.) Really, now? On second thought, maybe. Come to think of it, it's been two years since I attempted to trust someone with my heart. I should say the lull was fun more than a bore. I enjoyed myself a lot. I don't need to call much of a "me-time" because I am practically with myself all the time. It was fun. It was enlightening. It was amusing to find out things about myself. It was also hard sometimes because I have to deal with someone who I can never walk out from. It was good--very good even.

Although sometimes, I would yearn for someone to share the fun with. Yeah, I got my friends. I love them, but sometimes you just look for that one person whom you can make memories with, fight with, make up with, talk with, be silent with, drive around with. Just that one.

Two of my very close friends told me how much they admire my courage in taking my chances on love after every heartache. It was a surprise though because around two years ago, I felt I've already given up. I know at the back of my mind I still keep that faith on love and nth chances of making things right but I guess it was that time that I declared a time-off to finally straighten things up with myself.

I've learned and I've learned a lot. I should say I am wiser that is prolly why I took things aside. I can't say am ready but I do feel am almost there. :) I'm having quite a bunch of sudden changes in my life now...so, I hope this one comes slowly and sure. :)

Current Song: Haven't Met You Yet by Michael Buble

moving back home or moving out?

Recently, my mom decided that we'll have to leave this apartment that we're staying in to go "home". It was Bar month when she declared that so I did not pay too much attention until she asked me to pack my things the second Monday after the last Sunday of the Bar exams. Initially, I was in a quandary as to what must be difficult. Was it the packing or the thought of leaving? It was too damn hard. It was painful that I had to cry (and tell you it wasn't your moviel-like crying. It was your ugly crying. Really.) Until I started putting my law books in the boxes. I realized it was the whole idea of leaving. See, I never knew any other home for 27 years except this apartment. Yes, we do own the house there in Cavite, but I never lived there. I sleep there but I never actually lived there. This apartment was my home. This is where I grew up. This is where my childhood memories are made. This is where my heart will always be.

I would always complain how noisy my neighbors are or how easy the streets would get flooded with a few minutes of hard rain when in fact the whole Manila is dry. I never thought (or appreciate) how accessible my place is to any point of Manila.  I forgot how almost all my friends hung out here after classes or have spontaneous overnights. I never thought how much this place is a part of me. 

(Boo, this is getting to melodramatic. Forgive me, people) 

Good byes aren't for me. I am not good at it. Always. I hope I'll learn to settle in my new house...then maybe later, I can find my own home. Somewhere, I can really call mine. :) Then, maybe then, it'll be less difficult.

good morning!

I woke up late today. Around 10 am. That is unusual because I have always been an early riser. But since I have been sleeping less the past few nights I decided to overstay in bed. 

Yes, it's official. My body is feeling the Bar coming...and definitely I cannot deny it. As weird as it is, I have been feeling all sorts of stuff. When I shared this with another bar-hopeful friend, she chuckled and commented that I can also be human. Haha. Yes, I am. :) 

Well, this morning I woke up with the sun washing over my window. I reached for my phone and Ipod touch (which are usually beside me, when I sleep). I checked for messages and I logged on the net to check FB mobile. This was what I found:

Mom sent me a message encouraging me not to give in to fear. At first, I thought maybe she read my shout out on Facebook saying,or maybe, a mother just knows well how to read between the lines. Those six words spoke tons of messages to me. There really is a language only parents and children speak...and oftentimes, words can just be too much to use. It made me smile knowing that my mom does have faith in me and feels that all I need to do is trust in God. Now, I am beginning to tear.

I guess all these months I have received all the best wishes I can ever receive from people close to me, telling me that I can hurdle this last step to getting my dream of becoming a lawyer. I even received encouraging words from former professors saying that they see in me what it takes to pass the Bar. Maybe, it's really time to believe in my self. I've been in law school for five long years and I think I've prepped enough for the past months. Now, it's God's time to finish the work we've started. Ready or not, I just have to be ready.

I read a portion of a former professor's article in Business Week (June 2010) and he said: "...the truth of the matter is this: the Bar exams are here, accept it. And pass it." Yes, IT IS REALLY HERE and I declare, I WILL PASS IT. :) 

Now, I really hope to feel better today. :)

Current Song: Love So Pure by Generation Unleashed

manual for climbing mountains by paolo coelho

I climb mountains that is why I completely understand what he's talking about. And yes, this is not just about physical mountains but also our mountains of choice in life. 

Let me first share my story before you read what Paolo said (this is my blog so I can say my piece. Haha!) Some years ago, I decided to climb Mt. Pulag, the highest peak in Luzon...and it is there that I realized how climbing mountains and life are so related. When I reached the summit, I knew in my heart that I have conquered myself. It was then that I found the truth that I can do anything provided I set my heart on it. 

Now, on Paolo's article: 

A] Choose the mountain you want to climb: don’t pay attention to what other people say, such as “that one’s more beautiful” or “this one’s easier”. You’ll be spending lots of energy and enthusiasm to reach your objective, so you’re the only one responsible and you should be sure of what you’re doing.

B] Know how to get close to it: mountains are often seen from far off – beautiful, interesting, full of challenges. But what happens when we try to draw closer? Roads run all around them, flowers grow between you and your objective, what seemed so clear on the map is tough in real life. So try all the paths and all the tracks until eventually one day you’re standing in front of the top that you yearn to reach.

C] Learn from someone who has already been up there: no matter how unique you feel, there is always someone who has had the same dream before you and ended up leaving marks that can make your journey easier; places to hang the rope, trails, broken branches to make the walking easier. The climb is yours, so is the responsibility, but don’t forget that the experience of others can help a lot.

D] When seen up close, dangers are controllable: when you begin to climb the mountain of your dreams, pay attention to the surroundings. There are cliffs, of course. There are almost imperceptible cracks in the mountain rock. There are stones so polished by storms that they have become as slippery as ice. But if you know where you are placing each footstep, you will notice the traps and how to get around them.

E] The landscape changes, so enjoy it: of course, you have to have an objective in mind – to reach the top. But as you are going up, more things can be seen, and it’s no bother to stop now and again and enjoy the panorama around you. At every meter conquered, you can see a little further, so use this to discover things that you still had not noticed.

F] Respect your body: you can only climb a mountain if you give your body the attention it deserves. You have all the time that life grants you, as long as you walk without demanding what can’t be granted. If you go too fast you will grow tired and give up half way there. If you go too slow, night will fall and you will be lost. Enjoy the scenery, take delight in the cool spring water and the fruit that nature generously offers you, but keep on walking.

G] Respect your soul: don’t keep repeating “I’m going to make it”. Your soul already knows that, what it needs is to use the long journey to be able to grow, stretch along the horizon, touch the sky. An obsession does not help you at all to reach your objective, and even ends up taking the pleasure out of the climb. But pay attention: also, don’t keep saying “it’s harder than I thought”, because that will make you lose your inner strength.

H] Be prepared to climb one kilometer more: the way up to the top of the mountain is always longer than you think. Don’t fool yourself, the moment will arrive when what seemed so near is still very far. But since you were prepared to go beyond, this is not really a problem.

I] Be happy when you reach the top: cry, clap your hands, shout to the four winds that you did it, let the wind – the wind is always blowing up there – purify your mind, refresh your tired and sweaty feet, open your eyes, clean the dust from your heart. It feels so good, what was just a dream before, a distant vision, is now part of your life, you did it!

J] Make a promise: now that you have discovered a force that you were not even aware of, tell yourself that from now on you will use this force for the rest of your days. Preferably, also promise to discover another mountain, and set off on another adventure.

L] Tell your story: yes, tell your story! Give your example. Tell everyone that it’s possible, and other people will then have the courage to face their own mountains.

on choosing well

Amid my rambling and wondering about the Divorce bill, I remembered an article that I have read some years ago about marriage. It appeared to have been written by Eduardo Calasanz but in truth was an excerpt from the book  Letters to My Son, A Father’s Wisdom on Manhood, Women, Life, and Love written by Kent Nerburn. Whoever wrote it does not really matter, but learning from it does. This article deeply etched in my head the importance of choosing well. Here is the complete text:

_____________________

PARTNERS AND MARRIAGE

I have never met a man who didn’t want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn’t fear marriage.Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at best, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate. And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other’s presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other’s foibles. It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset.

Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side. This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other’s laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality. This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility.

One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term. If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can’t accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way he/she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood. There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word.

There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.

We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter. But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presences, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom…endlessly. 

Current Song: Oo by UP Dharma Down

I wonder what Gabriela Silang would say

This week Gabriela Party-list refiles a bill legalizing divorce in the Philippines. According to them, the bill (if passed to law) would give “married couples in irreparable marriages another legal remedy that they can resort to in addition to the country’s existing laws on legal separation and annulment...and help put an end to domestic violence still prevalent among married Filipino couples.” (Philippine Daily Inquirer, 12 August 2010) 

Then my legal mind started to wonder, how then would Congress treat this bill? Isn't it that our very Constitution protects "Marriage as an inviolable social institution for it is the foundation of the family and shall be protected by the State" (1987 Philippine Constitution, Art XV, Sec 2)?" Realizing also that the people we elected in Congress are human as they are, would they espouse the common good or would they would again 'twist' the concept to espouse their own personal beliefs? It seemed to me that our lawmakers are not yet contended with the remedies provided by our existing laws. Isn't Psychological Incapacity as provided by the Family Code as a ground for declaration of nullity of marriage fully-stretched and abused enough to sever the relationship of troubled husbands and wives? Aren't we burdening the Judiciary of too much personal problems?

If this bill becomes a law, is our society now promoting a non-committal culture? What then are we telling our children? Have we been too westernized that we want to live life casually talking about our ex-wives/husbands and have children who calls each other 'half'? Where now are the values of Family (which by the way, very Filipino), Integrity, and Responsibility?

I am not afraid of change nor do I resist it. On the contrary, I always desired for growth. Looking at this Divorce Bill now, I do not see any resulting growth on the persons of the parties concerned and as a society as a whole. I see this again as a quick-fix to the issues that people want to escape from. True, there really are "irreconcilable" differences but I do believe that married people should put in their best efforts to reconcile them. Divorce isn't as simple as opting for separation pay in case of severed relationships of employers and employees if reinstatement is no longer viable. Didn't husbands and wives vowed to each other: "For better or for worse; For richer or for poorer; In sickness and in health; UNTIL DEATH DO US PART?" Too much? Yes.

People who read this may think that I am not in the right position to speak about marriage because I have not been married myself, hence I do not have the first-hand experience of the gruesome (if you may) truth about marriage. Yet, I speak from the hopeful heart of a young individual who believes that commitments should be revered; That marriage, a vocation, is something that you owe to yourself, your partner and to the One who put you together. Being a commitment, marriage is a decision that one makes prior to indulging into it--a decision that should have well been discerned and prayed about. I speak because I know of real-life stories of people who despite of their "irreconcilable" differences had managed to stick it through--more so lived a happy life together. Not by chance, but because they decided to turn their situations around. I also speak because I think of my generation whose lives are just starting. Some of my friends have just began their married lives and I do not want them to just give up on their decisions of loving each other and living and building their lives together. I also speak because I know that our culture have been becoming permissive and I do not want to wake up one day seeing my future children getting married every five years. I want a life of conviction.

Gabriela Silang fought for the Philippines against the colonialism of the Spanish. Gabriela, the party-list, veers our culture to westernization of values toward marriage. Ironic, is it not?

bar w(h)ine

I miss living a normal life. I miss my friends. I miss lounging without feeling guilty after five minutes.

In a few weeks these will all be over.

Current Song on repeat: Viva La Vida by Coldplay

atop

I checked my gmail and saw an invitation from a friend to climb Mt. Pulag in November. My eyes lit up! I miss the mountains greatly. Ever since I returned to law school, I haven't climbed to any mountain yet.

I can now imagine the cool, crisp breeze, the looong hikes, the magnificent view atop. Oooohhh! :)

For now, I content myself with these:

P.S. Mt. Pulag and I kept a secret...and this secret will unravel soon. :) I am more excited. :)

wisdom of service

I never wrote professionally. Yes, I contributed to our publication in the Uni and seen my friends actually work on deadlines but I never got the first hand experience of beating time to make it to publication. UNTIL I decided to serve in The Pasig Feast Bulletin.

It was something I never sought for. I would like to believe that it is something that the Lord asked me to do. When the opportunity fell on my lap, I readily accepted. My job wasn't really "big". I do the layout for the photos and the short write-up as to what happened in last week's Feast. Yet, as I work on it in the passing weeks, I realized that it takes a tiny fraction of my "bar-hopeful-'precious'-time." No, am not complaining. Instead, I come face to face to the truth that no matter how little or how much the Lord asks from you it is always something worth much for Him. I found the Wisdom that when we offer our lives to God, He will really demand for what is inconvenient...and whatever done in inconvenience is love. 

I now remember a quote from Mother Theresa of Calcutta: "The fruit of silence is prayer. The fruit of prayer is faith; The fruit of faith is love; The fruit of love is service; The fruit of service is peace."  No matter how incovenient service may be, ultimately it leads to that joyful peace knowing that my Father up in Heaven is smiling at me. :)

Now back to my books.

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By the way, we are still looking for people with kind hearts who are very much willing to share their time, talents and treasures to come serve with us at The Feast. Please contact me or come to the Feast Volunteer table for more information. :) Certified: Masarap Mag-Serve! :)

serenity.courage.wisdom

“Lord grant me the serenity to accept

the things I cannot change,

the courage to change the things I can,

and the wisdom to know the difference.”

- Reinhold Niebuhr