daddy said

On my 18th birthday my daddy gave me a letter and he said "You are the architect of your life." That sounded very vague at that time. Seriously, architect? How? My young mind, of course, thought that I "design" my life. But I guess that was too technical for me. Too mannish. I did not fully appreciate the depth of what he meant. Guess, the lines and measurements that I saw in my head made it feel more complicated that what it is supposed to be. 

Now, more than 10 years after, I realize the power of my dad's wisdom. Yes, I "design" my life. I have the power to create the results that I want. I dictate which path I take and what I allow to happen to me. I CHOOSE. I have that power to choose. In my language, it will sound more like, "I write my story on fresh parchment." In more modern terms, I was given a blank white Word page and I can click my life away with words and punctuation marks. There. That felt better and more me.

Ten years ago, my father had set me free! 

Although, I was not able to grasp it completely (that I chose to lie under their wings--hah! it was too comfortable there, you see? Hehe.) I should say that those ten years was time well-spent to surveying the ground, laying the foundation, amassing the funds, knowing where to draw the rooms, what furniture are needed. Those were 10 years of planning...and now, it's time to start building. The frames are well put up; the house now has form. We're almost ready to paint, to usher in the fixtures, to put the flower boxes. 

Although, definitely, it does not stop there--there are still too much to do. But I now like what I see and I am excited. :) 

desiderata

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy."

Bar Account 2011

11.06.2011

I woke up 30 minutes past my alarm went off. I did not hear it ring. I still have enough time, though. After taking a shower and dressing up, my phone beeped. My best friend just arrived to pick me up and bring me to the bar site. We dropped by the nearest fast food for a quick breakfast and to buy lunch. On a rainy Sunday morning of November, I am again set to take the Bar Exam. 

As I entered the gates of the school where I practically lived all my life, I felt at ease. The old Bar jitters dissipated. It was kind of weird but comforting. I filed myself on the queue going inside my assigned building. It was high school all over again! :) I led myself to the third floor. My room was at the corner at the end of the corridor. I smile upon seeing it. It was the old drafting room during my time. Bits of memories flash on my head. As I opened the door, the proctor was already calling out names, arranging the examinees on their assigned seats. I was just in time, I told myself. 

The usual protocol of distributing the answer sheets and questionnaire was done. Except this time, with the advent of computerized checking, we will be using color coded machine readable answer sheets. I got the blue set. I was wearing blue, my ID was blue and I got the blue set. Irrelevant. I just liked that everything seems to be in accord. Hehe. 

At exactly 8 am, the bell rang. That was our cue to start taking the first exam. 

Political Law has always been one of my favorite subjects. I guess, I just always have a political mind. Or yet, systems just fascinate me. The exam was composed of 100 questions which are relatively difficult also. :) After two hours, the bell went off again. Time to submit the answer sheets.

After an hour break, we are set to take Labor Law Exam. Somewhere midway the exam, my back started to ache. Then I realized the questions began to become harder. I did not expect Labor Law to be as difficult. I almost wanted to sleep on it! 

At 12:30, we we're off for lunch. It was a good thing though that I saw a friend from way back who was also in the same room as I am. She also did not have company so we paired up and ate lunch together. Upon getting out of the building, we saw this year's Bar Chairperson who happened to be our professor in Legal Writing back in Law School. We greeted him and he was kind enough to stop a while and chat with us. 

We have 11/2 hours to burn for lunch and a little reading. As soon as we finished our food, we attended to our personal needs and went back to our room. I needed a little breather. The next exam is famous for being a killer: TAXATION LAW. :)

I am happy I drank my canned coffee. I am somehow perked up. Although, I can no longer distinguish if my heart was racing because of the coffee or the exam. :) It was a 75 item exam and I can say it was generally fine. I mean, Taxation Law is expectedly difficult and the questions were fair enough. My exposure at work helped me to answer some of the questions. I hope I fared well.

There. One Sunday down, three more to go. 

When I got out of the university premises, I ran to the nearest Starbucks to get my warm Christmas cup and sticker. ;) 

A prayer of surrender by Bro. Sheldon Tabile, OCarm

One morning, I was insanely gripping anger and fear in my heart. I sought help from a friend who is a Carmelite brother to intercede for me that Jesus' grace and love may teach me to forgive and let go. This is the prayer he sent me through chat, exactly the same words my heart seeks to say. 

May it touch you and bring the same love and healing in your lives. :)

______________

Jesus, you invited that all those in burden to come to you

and you will give rest.

There are emotions that burden me now-emotions that I want to let go.

However I find myself returning to it.

It seems that my efforts are not enough.

I come to you Jesus,

Seeking for rest; 

Seeking for healing;

Seeking for your immeasurable love

May it overflow to me

May it fill my being;

those spaces that resist to forgive

May Your Love touch those hard parts in me;

may these parts soften

--soft enough, to be kind to others

Touch me o Jesus, 

physically, emotionally, spiritually

that I may be free

from all the burdens

that makes my life heavy

Teach me to let go...

of fears,

hurts,

frustrations,

pains,

problems

And allow You to be in charge of my life

May I always have faith that in very situation of my life...

you are hidden there

You are the surpirse!

This I ask you... because you have promised it to us

--to all those who have FAITH in you.

Amen.

rain love

Today, I watch the rain fall from the heavens and I feel that it tries to speak to me. It trickles one by one sparingly as though love is trickling in my heart slowly.Yes, this is a time of healing. Just as water gives life to any living thing,  Love is beginning to liven up my long dead heart

I normally do not like rain. But today, I am loving it--as if I want to bathe in it. Oh now, I actually wish it rains heavily just to wash down everything that is unclean.

Water from heaven is love from heaven.

As I watch the rain it speaks to me of how love drenches every human soul. Slowly, steadily and surely.

leafing another page of this so-called life

I just gave my blog a new face lift. Apart from using the new photos which I got from a pseudo photo shoot, I just felt that I needed to do something new. No, not really like something BIG-new. Just a little tinkering on what is already existing. 

This morning, I woke up with a smile on my face. Not literal though, but I did feel that I was in a happy space. "The storm is finally over.", I told myself. I get the nice feeling I have when the sun comes out after days of heavy rain. 

I am loved. I am enough. I deserve. These were the words that rang in my head. I guess, I have finally and completely moved forward from all the failures I had in the past and this is the point when I realized how resilient I am to keep on standing up no matter what. Perhaps, I also came to the point of embracing the power of my dreams--of being a lawyer, finding the right man for me and serving my family among others---and just surrendering to the love I have for these. Now, I realize how great is my power to create the things that I want. (Hahaha! Now, I am thinking: Is this really an effect of being on a brink of a phase of life).

Now, I am excited to tumble, soar and celebrate the time of my life. 

imperfect love

If you will ask me how love will look like for me now, it will be acceptance. It is the acceptance that things aren't perfect; that I am capable of making a mistake; that no matter how loving or good I strive to be, I have weaknesses and sometimes I operate through them. 

In my several weeks of journeying within, I have finally discovered that I have a huge capacity of love no matter how imperfect it may be. 

29@29

Last Monday, I celebrated my 29th birthday. :) It feels a little weird knowing that it's my last year in the twenty-something bracket. Somehow, it feels like I am at the threshold of an era almost bursting into another phase of my life. 

I have collected 29 years of good memories, friendships and love. This year, I am more hopeful of creating new ones and enriching those that I already have. I am sooooo excited to experience myself into this new journey. I wish that this year my dreams will turn into reality. 

This year's celebration wasn't frilly. I wished for a quiet birthday celebration with family and friends--and that is what I got. :) 

My Tita Le organized a picnic getaway for me, my siblings and cousins in Caleruega's Kampo Ariba grounds. We had the simplest food to share but we had so much fun taking pictures and sharing stories. :) Although, it was raining every now and then, it did not dampen our sunny spirits. :)

 From L-R. Top row: Me, Em, Tita Le; Second row: Raquel, AC, Sheila

 My sibs and I. We missed Julius. 

 Bullies

 With Jon. :)

Of course, my Tita Beth and Tito Rene won't allow themselves to be left out. 

They brought pizza and ice cream at Tita Le's house. :) 

Thank you, lovebirds. I really felt the love.

From Tagaytay and despite the traffic, I flew to Quezon City at Coach Nancy's house for our council meeting. They gave me a cake to blow! :) Yiiii! Mango Bravo! 

 A pose with the cake with my very loving council, Powerful Voice.

 From the bottom of my very open, loving and bitchy heart, thank you and I love you so much! :)

God really sends us people whom we deserve and who will make our lives better. 

My coach is one of the sweetest surprises I had in my lifetime. 

I love Coach Nancy! :) Your love truly create miracles. :) 

Of course, my birthday will not be complete without the Barangay getting together. The day following my birthday, we met up at Papa John's in Greenhills for lunch. It was the usual get together but it was surely special because we're celebrating my birthday! :) One thing I realized is that life can be simple but special. I was also thankful to have friends whom I can just be. See, not everyone gets to have friends whom you can say you want to keep for a lifetime. :) I love you Barangay! :) You will always be God's sweetest blessings to me. :)

 Bizu is always a favorite. Sweet. :)

Now, it's time to blow the candle. :) 

 Nothing compares. :)

 A special surprise. :)

I also got more than a hundred greetings on Facebook alone. Thank you, friends, for the love. ;) 

Huwaw Davao! :)

I am a traveller. I love going to different places and experience their culture.

This year, I wished to go to Vietnam to celebrate my birthday but I changed my mind and thought of travelling locally instead. I wished of going to place in Mindanao since that's the only major island group that I haven't been to. We really get what we wish for. A week before my birthday, my council and I flew to Davao for a council meeting and at the same time bond with our Davao teammates. :)

I love Davao! It was love at first sight. Davao has a charm of calmness, openness and serenity. As we cruised our way to the hotel from the airport on Levi's car, I felt how the city welcomed me into it. :) What made our stay in Davao more enjoyable was the company of the loving Davao 49ers. We bonded like we were old friends and shared stories like there was no tomorrow. Here are some of the photos: 

DAY 1

 Hello Davao! :)

 Logging in hours for the Bar Review. 

 At Francisco Bangoy (Davao)  International Airport

 A welcome treat at the airport

Lunch. 

 K Steak serves buffet for only 170.00 Php with at least 5 choice of viands 

and unlimited grilled pork, beef, chicken and fish. Rating: 8 

 Powerful Voice with the Davao LEAPers. :)

 I love taking photos of vehicles in a particular locale. Here's one. 

DAY 2

Day 2 was fun day. We went to Outland Adventure, The Repentor in Ma-a to go zipline. It was my first time to go ziplining. Wooohooo! :)  

All geared up! :)

After the first 600m. Wooh! That was awesome!

Part of travelling is experiencing the local food as well. We were so blessed to have friends who treated us so well. Tito Jon and Anot cooked food for us. 

Instant Favorite: Kinilaw na Tuna!

Steamed Sea Bass

Sinigang na Sugpo sa Calamansi at Sabaw ng Gulay

No oil Fried Chicken

      

Anot's Chicken Salad

 Grilled Pork Chop. Favorite.

Crusted Cream Dory with Tomato Sauce

My Davao Experience will not be complete without having anything with Durian. Levi and the rest of the Davao LEAPers invited us to have Durian Halo-halo at Aling Foping's.  Durian halo-halo is a mixture of Durian Jam, Nata de Coco, Pinipig and Durian Ice cream topped with crushed ice and laced with fresh milk. Yuuum!

Daghang Salamat Dabaw! :) I hope to go back to you soon. :) 

the cry to innocence

I wish am like a little girl 

carelessly wishing for the world 

asking without reservation 

hoping without question. 

I wish am like child 

who sees the world in hues

always with wonder and adventure 

I want to go back to those days 

of reckless abandon 

and live without fear nor judgment. 

Take me back to innocence 

so I can dance, sing and shout

Do the things that I want 

not just what I need or asked of

Let my spirit soar

Let me run out and play

Let me cry then laugh

Let me be. 

the soap opera of real life

Recently, I have been getting a little lot of telly time. As soon as I get home from review lectures, I flick in the remote to a news program. This extends to watching a telenovela which features the story of a dead woman given a second chance to undo her mistakes in her previous life to finally get to heaven.

Other than the headlines ("ulo ng mga balita" as the anchors will call it), I am really disgusted on how the networks pick what kind of stories to feature on the news programs. I grew up hearing the same gory details of a father raping his little daughter or a man out of too much alcohol stabs a neighbor passing by. I don't understand why the staff of these news program would choose to broadcast these stories instead of the little good things that happen around. There are a lot, I tell you. Yes, it will certainly not "sell" to the greater masses only because they are not used to it. Through the years, media has actually shaped the minds of the viewing public to gruesomeness and criminality. 

I also grew up watching telenovelas from the original Mara Clara to counting 100 days for Connie Reyes to get to heaven. I was just appalled and finally awoken to the truth that these soaps teach people how to play victim to the misfortunes that fall upon them. Just the other day, I saw this lady setting up a revenge plot to the company owned by the lead lady character who apparently bought his father's toy design for less than what it sentimentally costs. From then, she resented the woman and thought that she had to redeem her father's dignity. She went on in life blaming the woman for her father's illness, their poverty and her seemingly endless chase for happiness. However, backtracking a little, she failed to see that what actually caused their misfortune was her stubbornness not to play with electric wires which eventually razed their house to the ground. In fairness to this new telenovela, there was redemption when some other characters helped her see her faults and eventually she did not get away with her other offenses so she ended up in jail. That was good, BUT, how many shows actually to this? 9 out of 10 still depicts the I-am-a-loser plot. 

I do not believe that media is not aware that it is a very powerful tool of influencing the society. I think I need not even say that to the people in there. The question is how are these people using this power. After the Martial Law, media enjoyed too much freedom that it has actually became the most powerful entity in this country. It even has the power over the government. Sadly, to the point of abuse. Everybody must be aware of some news anchors over radio that randomly call government offices and shouts profane words to them if they don't get what they want. The people in media seemed to have forgotten that the little they say or do actually affects the nation. Where then is the responsibility in the freedom to speak? As we say in Filipino, "Pakiramdam ng langaw mas mataas pa sya sa kalabaw." 

I challenge the media practitioners to be courageous enough to speak the truth. The truth that is--there is good around us. Yes, evil exists. However, we tend to forget that there are two sides to a coin and what we focus on grows. Let us not be complacent about fighting evil, but let us not forget that there is more than evil around us and in each of us. 

________________

Over dinner last night while I was ranting about this thought to my sister, she in turn shared with me ceratin reforms which the Department of Education (DepEd) is doing at the moment to improve if not altogether change the entire education system in the Philippines. I have actually heard this from one of the resource persons of DepEd working on this endeavor. I thought that since they've already informed the would-be teachers, this must really be underway. Why wouldn't the news programs feature this endeavors? Isn't this worth the airtime after all? Besides, if a major change is to be implemented by the government, should the people be actually apprised of it early on? Every human person needs sometime to adapt to major changes.  Then, I realized this must be the reason why our government gets to much criticisms--even on good policies. It does not prepare the people for change. Then the people go to streets, protest and create EDSA 3, 4, 5 til name it. I will talk about this on another article.  For now, maybe we should help each other know. Use Facebook, Twitter, blogs; talk over coffee; spread the information! Be in the know! Essentially, that is democracy.

little miss perfect no more

"But I am learning that perfection isn't what matters. In fact, it's the very thing that can destroy you if you let it." 

— Emily Giffin (Something Borrowed)

2nd cabin, port side*

*My desk at 16:45 on the last Friday before my leave becomes effective. :) It will surely be missed for the next 6 months. ;)

african safari and writing a book

Since I am bedfast for the past few days with nothing to do but sleep, flick the remote, watch dvds (or let the chattering put me to sleep) and tweet, I felt so useless. I thought of doing a lot of things. Now that I feel a little better yet still incapable of going out and doing stuff, I thought of re-writing the things I wanted to do in my lifetime. I recall writing them down but I am not sure where I have placed it. Perhaps, that list is in one of my diaries piled in my stash in our other house. I usually cross out the things I've done already.

Now, I will re-write them as I can remember. 

1. Experience the REAL African Safari.
2. Zoobic Safari
3. Backpack in Europe (Spain, Germany, France, Italy, Greece and UK)
4. Southern Exploration (CDO, Davao, Bukidnon and Camiguin)
5. Lead sing for a full live band
6. Sing with an acoustistic band
7. Have a kiddie party on my birthday
8. Participate in a WYD abroad (Canada 2002)
9. Learn conversational French (Gahd! I have been wanting this since 2005. All I now is how to count! )
10. Travel in Japan eat in one of their Izakayas, bathe in one of their hot spring pools and see the cherry blossoms.
11. Meet Mickey Mouse
12. Have photo with the Merlion
13. Visit Universal Studios
14. Swim with the Dolphins
15. Travel alone for at least a week outside the Philippines.
16. Shop in Thailand. 
17. Ride an Elephant
18. Sleep all day
19. Have my dream house
20. Own a beach house
21. Kiss in the rain
22. Bathe in the rain
23. Whitewater raft in CDO
24. Bathe in a falls
25. Go to Coron
26. Go back to Coron. ;)
27. Eat authentic Lechon Cebu in Cebu
28. Lounge in Boracay
29. Set foot in Japan  (actually, just a stopover)
30. Own an all-day breakfast resto
31. Own a bookstore
32. Japanese food overload
33. Pen Pals @Manila Peninsula
34. Date JLC and Derek Ramsay.
35. Finish working on the photobook
36. Top the Bar
37. Learn to play the guitar
38. Polish playing the piano
39. Climb Mt. Pulag
40. Climb Mt. Pinatubo
41. Visit Mayon Volcano
42. See Mt. Fuji
43. See Mt. Mayon for real!
44. Eat authentic Bicol Express
45. Experience Batanes
46. Spend a White Christmas
47. Get over my fear of the deep
48. Learn to Scuba Dive
49. Pagudpod
50. Sky Dive!
51. Write a book
52. Act in a play
53. Sing in a choir
54. Play Ultimate
55. Play Ultimate (Frisbee) again
56. Marathon
57. Run
58. Watch World Cup Finals Live!
59. Glide through a zip line
60. Work in a fun law firm
61. Grow the tshirt printing biz
62. Grow the atchara biz
63. Red Ford Escape
64. Eat Durian Ice Cream
65. Get inked (henna at least)
66. Volunteer for Gawad Kalinga
67. Become a life coach
68. Love like crazy
69. Have a photo shoot
70. Have a glamour photo shoot
71. Read all day
72. Cook a feast
73. Throw a party for my birthday
74. Give free hugs
75. Box
76. Plant trees
77. See Wicked
78. Watch plays
79. Be gadget-free for a day
80. Learn how to jump rope
81. Bike
82. See Halong Bay
83. Eat street foods
84. Shop til you drop
85. Die rich
86. Invest in stocks
87. Become a multi-millionaire
88. Send kids to school
89. Adopt a dog
90. Teach
91. Dance 
92. Record songs
93. Fly a kite
94. Jump in a trampoline like crazy
95. Randomly give money away
96. Carry a bag with lots of money inside

Hmn... I guess that's all for now. I'll keep updating this list.

episode 19

After a trauma, your body is at its most vulnerable. Response time is critical. So you're suddenly surrounded by people—doctors, nurses, specialists, technicians—surgery is a team sport. Everyone pushing for the finish line. Putting you back together again. But surgery is a trauma in and of itself, and once it's over, the real healing begins. It's called recovery. Recovery is not a team sport. It's a solitary distance run. It's long. It's exhausting. And it's lonely as hell

The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries. And it's not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it. Some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It's like you haven't recovered anything at all. You're a whole new person with a whole new life. - Narration, Meredith Grey, "It's A Long Way Back", Ep. 19, Season 7, Grey's Anatomy

the bar account

In a few weeks, the results for the Bar Exams will be released. Soon, the long wait will be over. Finally, the 4,000+ Bar-hopefuls will either realize or frustrate their dreams. On my end, I would like to believe that I will make it a reality.

As I wait that fateful day, I have realized that I have not made an account of my Bar experience. An email sent to a friend is the closest account I wrote. Perhaps, I thought that the experience was too much to be reduced to words. I just did not know where to start. Yet, I surely kept it forever etched in my person. 

The Bar season changed me. It was a time where I was pruned, stretched, and disciplined. It was a time of planting, perseverance and surrender. It was a season filled with grace. 

PREPARING FOR THE BATTLE

Preparation wins half of the battle, they say.

Four or five years, for some including me, in law school is ample time preparation for the Bar Examinations. But the heat of it will sink in the moment the bar review season begins. More than the academic preparedness, one must likewise be ready physically (you can’t afford to get sick), psychologically (you should be tough enough to hurdle your own doubts), emotionally (it was surely draining, man!) and spiritually (humility and faith aren’t just spells. They are virtues—solid foundations—that you hang on at this very trying time.)

These six months were exciting, boring, challenging, lonely and fun for me.

It may be short or long depending on how you view it. For me it was both. It was short because I had to review all eight major subjects which I studied for the past five years in law school. I had to apportion the little time in my hands wisely so as to maximize it. It started to feel long though because as I started poring over my books and other review materials, I began to realize that am spending 8-10 hours of my day just by myself and my books.

See, I chose to be alone during that season. I studied in the library of my previous University which is a few hundred meters from my house. For me, that was the best choice because I will surely be less distracted and economically effective. For comfort, I chose the very same spot in the library where I used to study very effectively while I was there.

At that phase of my bar-review-life, I realized that this feat towards the Bar is a personal battle. Nobody will understand exactly how much you want it and how tiring the task is. Everybody else are just on the sidelines, cheering on you--some don't even mind.  

When things started to become arduous, a priest-friend reminded me of St. Thomas’ spirituality towards study. He said in a letter, “When St. Dominic de Guzman insisted on assiduous study as intrinsic to the life of the brother-preachers, he envisioned it as "spirituality," i.e. something which takes hold, grabs, and grasps our whole life, our entire being.” I held on those words. I told myself that time, “For now, this is my life. I will let it take hold of me as dear precious life depends on it.” and it kept me going.

It was then that I realize the value of cooperating with Grace. I knew and felt that God’s grace followed me day in and out, all I needed to do was to do my part of the preparation—study.

I also learned from those who had crossed the bar ahead of me. I drew my own schedule which suited my habits, convenience and pace. It served as a compass for me and keeps me on track. I did not force myself following my calendar to the dot. Instead, I respected my pace. I thought it was wiser to learn  and remember than to actually finish the materials.

MAKING THE JOURNEY LIGHT

Tim Cahill said, “A journey is best measured in friends, rather than miles.” Although I have decided to isolate myself during review, there were a handful of people whom I sometimes huddle with to maintain my sanity. The Ward 7 people were there. We’d attempt to study together in coffee houses, which oftentimes fail. To distract ourselves a bit we’d shared bottles of beer, meals, and have a few trips to the movie house. Our friendship grew knowing that we are going through the same thing together. (Oh! We were the ones who went to Coron before the review started.) Carlisle was a consistent hope-giver. Phone calls at night were imperative for us each day, at least just to release. Erwin would be a faithful study buddy especially during the Bar month. We pushed, supported and encouraged each other at this very crucial time. I was also lucky to have my closest friends, Gen and Zeny study with me at this time, while they were also preparing for their own medical board exams.

Apart from these people, there were others who unselfishly supported me. My family was there of course, my barkada, friends from law school and LOJ Family. It felt lighter and easier knowing that there are people believing in you.

NEARING CALVARY

My priest-friend and I would describe approaching September as “Nearing Calvary.” One, because it is becoming tougher as the days turn in and out—emotionally that is. It was the time when doubts would trickle. Perhaps it will take hold if not addressed. Two, we’d like to both see it as thorny yet behind Calvary is the fulfillment of God’s plan. Lastly, although it was seemingly “death” in truth, it was victory.

During this time, I would weep in prayer and seek Divine succor that I need.

SETTING FOOT

I remember the day I climbed Mt. Pulag. Then we took the Akiki Trail (Killer Trail) ascending. It was the more challenging trail according to mountaineers because of its steep slopes. And certainly it was VERY CHALLENGING. Somewhere halfway through the climb, I courted the idea of aborting climb. It suddenly occurred to me that it was too difficult that I wanted to give up. Yet the fighter in me spoke and said, “The moment you stepped foot on this mountain, you knew there was no turning back.”

Sometime in the middle of review, I began doubting my intentions of taking the Bar. Which was explained to me as normal. When I weighed my motives, I made my decision. Then, I was sure that upon setting foot in La Salle, there was no turning back.

…THEN CAME THE MONTH WITH NO OTHER DAY BUT SUNDAY

Four Sundays.

Normally, I would have an internal clock which tells me time. But on September 2010, I lost it! All I knew were Sundays and subjects. First Sunday: Poli and Labor; Second Sunday: Civ and Tax; Third Sunday: Merc and Crim; Fourth Sunday: Rem and Ethics. My life revolved around this schedule because dear precious life depended on it. The day after Sunday would be rest day. Forced that is, because no matter how much I push myself to read, I cannot. So, I just opted to sleep or see a movie. During the rest of the days, I would gobble up my review materials till my eyes fail me. 

...To be continued

on love for the love month

Love is when you wish the best, do the best and offer to serve your best for the object of your love. - francis kong

the people of my 2010

For the past two years I have wanted to make an entry such as this, but I fail. Magazines, blog entries, articles would feature the most popular figures of a particular year-- people who sometimes we do not even know but in one way or another affected or influenced us. I chose make one that is personal to me. This blog entry is for all of those whom I have met, made impact, inspired and I found very interesting for this year.

...and the winners are:

Joanne Fajardo

I have known Joanne since college days. Since then she has ever been a fun-loving person, always finding things to laugh about. She has always been cheerful, bright and happy. This year Joanne and her family surely went through a very tough year because of an accident that her sister met. Joanne is the one personally attending to the needs of her only sister to the point of resigning from work. She gave up a big chunk of her personal life just to for her sister and her mom. Through all these, you will not hear any complain. This is love--selfless and never asking anything in return. 

Carlo Lorenzo and John Ben Rodriguez

John Ben and Carlo

If you would see Carlo and John Ben together, you will know immediately that they are opposites but inseparable. Carlo is snotty, John Ben is funny. Carlo can be very engaging while John Ben can be quite reserved at the start.  Individually, they have their own light to shine, but together they make each other's light shine better and brighter--a perfect team. I admire these two men for their faithfulness to each other as friends and co-ministers in God's vineyard. To date, they have raised two campus feasts, several caring groups and have definitely touched a lot of people's lives. I was super blessed to have counted them as my friends for this year. 

Tita Mina Ramirez

I have always wanted to meet a Proverbs wife (one who possesses the qualities described in Proverbs 31: 10-13) and I was blessed to have met Tita Mina Ramirez this year. Tita Mina is the mother of my friend and campus missionary, Miguel Ramirez. The first time I met her I already knew how beautiful a woman she is. She speaks of the blessings. She is generous with affirmations, truth and counsel. She is very gentle and loving. Her spirit is so calm that you just enjoy being yourself whenever you are with her because you know you are enjoyed as well. I thought, "I wanted to be like her when I reach her age." Thanks Tita Mina for the friendship. :)

Fr. Clarence Marquez, OP

Our friendship dated from long ago and it peculiarly started with slippers. Through the years we have evolved from acquaintances to trusted friends. Fr. Clarc has been one of the my faithful hope-givers, cheerleader, and prayer partner this year especially during my Bar Examinations. I would always borrow his words describing me during my bar season: "soaring in grace" and that kept me flying. :) He'd always assure me that he's taking the exam with me. I have found a new meaning of God's love in the friendship we share.

Rissa Singson-Kawpeng

I grew fond of Rissa 1) because she leads worship very effectively during Feasts and 2) she is the sister of my classmate in Fr. Jocis' class,  Ronna. This year, when I was blessed to serve the the Single's stream of KCon 2010, I got to listen to her talk: Waiting for the One and it ministered to me big time! I now wish to have the same resilience that Rissa had in waiting for God's will and choice for your life partner. :) I resolve not to be an impatient bride anymore. Hihi.

Obet and Joie Cabrillas

This couple took me as their spiritual daughter and their love brought in overflowing healing and love in my life. :) Thanks Mommy and Daddy. To more years of serving God! :)

Carlisle Marie 

2009 wasn't very good for me and Carlisle but 2010 brought us close and renewed our friendship. This year, I saw how tough she is, how she's grown and how you can just be yourself with her. I admired her perseverance in Faith and her desire to seek God and His goodness. Carlisle is one of the very few people who walked with me through the toughest exam I took in my life. Through this she has been my hope-giver and friend. :) Thank you Cai! To more years of friendship! :) 

Julius, Jon and Em

This year my siblings and I reached notches higher in closeness. And it is surely a great, great blessing for us. :) We've learned to share our stories and involve each other in the lives one another. I was happy to know that the love we shared healed us all. :) More years of healing and love, guys! :) And more photobooth tripping! :)

amnesia and fears

Today, I saw "My Amnesia Girl" starring John Lloyd Cruz and Toni Gonzaga for the second time with two of my close guy friends. Again, it did not fail to make me laugh to the core of my belly. The punch lines were still hilarious and Toni and John Lloyd's chemistry on screen is a good experiment from Star Cinema. They clicked and it's tickling. 

However, apart from laughing and having a great time, I was more reflective of how the lessons of the movies now. One thing I noticed with Apollo (Cruz) and Irene (Gonzaga), was that their conflicts, both inner and relational, came about because they were overwhelmed by their fears and acted out of them. Apollo was afraid he'll lose himself if he marries Irene, that is why he just decided to abandon her on the altar, while Irene was afraid she might lose Apollo for the second time and end up hurt again so she decided to pretend having an amnesia which later made Apollo feel betrayed. 

I do not what to kill the fun, but on a more serious angle I realized that, yes, it is really destructive to act from our fears. We are not ourselves when we let them take hold of us. We make mistakes, serious oftentimes, when we let these fears rule us. Worse, fears make us forget who we are, what we can do and where we are supposed to head to.

In tonight's meeting, TFM Builder, Daddy Obet Cabrillas asked us to reflect on "What could we possibly get hold of or who would be if we do not have any fear." I kept that in my heart and I heard an answer. Perhaps, I'll ponder on it. :)

Perhaps in 2011, I should decide to live with lesser fears. :)