sprawling on floors

Sometimes you just find comfort in wallowing. It feels like sprawling yourself down in the cold floor and feeling it against your skin. You'll get the feel of an unnamed emotion growing in the middle of your chest. Then you take a deep breath. For a moment it feels like a great relief--as you let it out as you exhaled. 

If only it's that easy.

Then the hard part comes. 

The chunk of undefined emotion begins to grow. Oftentimes, it overwhelms you. Sometimes, it goes to your eyes and comes out as tears. Big drops of tears coming one after the other. Unrestricted. Uncontrollable. The feeling remains unnamed, unknown but surely makes your heart pound, hands tremble and your eyes pour out. It seeks to be embraced when you start touching it. It cries, "Tighter!" until it silently whispers its name. 

Fear. Anger. Shame. Guilt. Frustration.Worry.

A different name in every different game. They're just all buried up making their way out of your system--your psyche, your body. After they're all out, peace will slowly start to set in. Sometimes it takes a while to fill your empty heart.

Then you'll realize: "Perhaps, God really made me for love and these stuff are just not meant to be here."

More sprawling on the floor when the need comes. For now,  get up and cherish the minute peace inside.

kabakas 2010

It was a rainy evening and the waters started to rise in front our house. I thought I would not make it. My sister and I was off to meet the Institute of Preaching Lay Missionaries (IPLM) at Robinson's Galleria for a rendezvous with the van driver who'll pick us up for Pililia, Rizal. We're sent for a mission the following morning. to catechize among the locals.  Thank God, we made it just right in time.

The Lord heard our prayers, the sun greeted us in the morning. We heard mass at 7 a.m.. We asked for blessings for the mission we're sent to. The whole group was divided into subgroups and sent into different barrios to preach the good news. I was assigned with Ate Zabeth in the Parish Church to facilitate the free Baptism. 

Although our assignment was relatively easy as regards the environment, it was heart breaking to see how  economical, social and spiritual poverty plague the place. The people had to come from the mountains or the shorelines to avail of the "free" sacrament. Some were so poor that they had to walk for hours just to get to the church. Some were spiritually poor for not even knowing how to pray nor hear mass on a regular basis. My heart cried for these people and asked God to bless their souls even more. I pity the families who had to be baptized altogether. I thought, how in the world would these parents allow this to happen.

When the group met during breaks, we sat and shared stories and I heard far more heartbreaking stories of poverty. There would be a kid who'd exchange his loot bag of school supplies for grocery packs because his family has nothing to eat. In such a tender age, he learns (hopefully not bitter) lessons of sacrifice. Some of the kids do not have slippers to protect their feet. Most do not even go to school.

More than these heartbreaking stories, I was blessed with joy and gratefulness. I realized how far blessed I am compared to these people. I get to buy want I want. I get to eat more than three times a day. I get to study a post-grad course. I am just super-blessed, yet sometimes I feel wanting. Shame on me. 

Although, we've left the town already it has definitely etched its faces in my heart--the people, their situation and their potential. I will surely say a prayer for them in each day. I kept a small promise in my heart to go back--keep on preaching the Good News of  Love and contribute concrete actions to help each of them see and believe that God loves them and they're made to be great. Because, Blessed (still) are the poor, for theirs is the Kingdom of God.

Here are some of the snapshots from Marlon:

i went picnik-ing

My eyes are swollen and I cannot stand reading for a long time. Although, I treated myself to playing in http://www.picnik.com where you can edit pictures in clicks. Super easy and super fun. :) It's like using photoshop but a looot easier. :) Here are some of my artworks. :)

walking after the Man who called me by name

When He asked me to come and follow Him, I knew in my heart that it was not an easy task. First, I have to leave my boat and nets--a life I am accustomed in. Second, I will tread on a road I have no idea where it'll lead. My only consolation is the fact that I follow a Master whose love is greater than anything there is in this world. Who can ever resist that love?

My "yes" was something that came really slow, stammering and unsure. I did have doubts, fears and worries. Yet, my heart being led to peace in each step I take towards Him. I realized that when I took the first step after Him, my life started becoming less of me. That each step I take is an act of surrender in His love. A love that is never convenient nor easy. A love that is always demanding. A love that should be deliberate. A love which most people might think is insane. For He said, "If you love me, feed my sheep. Love your enemies. Yet, above all love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength." I never knew loving was difficult but surely is rewarding.

I have no idea how far we will still walk on. Surely it'll be a long stretch. In each step, I seek to delight him, love him and keep on walking with Him.

To the man

...whose hands are calloused by tireless work
...whose arms which seek to protect
...whose words are oftentimes left unspoken
...whose eyes adore the beauty of the lives he brought
...whose heart is devoted to love
...whose life he is ready to sacrifice

Today, you are honored for the things which are often left unnoticed, appreciated or thanked for.

Papa, thank for giving me life. Thank you for providing every need, and sometimes whims. Most of all thank you for the love.

May life be kind to us and grant us longer years to spend together.

word for the day: talent is not enough

“Belief lifts your talent; Passion energizes it; Initiative activates it; Focus directs it; Preparation positions it; Practice sharpens it; Perseverance sustains it; Courage tests it; Teachability expands it; Character protects it; Relationships influence it; Responsibility strengthens it; Teamwork multiplies it”. - John Maxwell, "Talent Is Never Enough”

Current song: True Colors by Cindy Lauper (Glee Version is also playing on Ipod)

my tuesday treat

... because I finished Book I and the Family Code yesterday. (May pingot na nga lang ang manok ng kinuha ko ang picture na ito. :) )

Current Song:  I Miss My Friend by Darryl Worley

prince of persia, sands of time

"It is said some lives are linked across time. They are connected by an ancient calling--Destiny."

 

Today, I took some time off after a long day with Jurado and saw Prince of Persia with Zeny.  I remember playing this game on my black and white screened computer, waaaay before plants vs. zombies wanted to eat our brains out. It was one of those computer games I was addicted to, standing par with Carmen Sandiego (Okaaay, my age shows here). I should say that Disney gave enough justice on this one--fairly made for an adventure movie. I brought to the edge of my seat the whole time. Although, SM Cinemas should be sued for refund since there are around four portions that are obviously cut (not to mention the poor resolution and muffled sound system. We should have really drove off to Makati). Going back to the movie, although it was good, it was also too Disney-y--everybody happy! Jake Glyllenhaal was hot--perfect!

 *Poster says: Defy time. I'd rather not. But I wish I can make it move slower. :p

 

little miss sunshine

I finally gave in to my sister's request that we sit down and see this movie on DVD.

Favorite Quote: Richard: There's two kinds of people in this world, there's winners and there's losers. Inside each and everyone of you, deep inside the core of your being is a winner waiting to be awakened and unleashed upon the world. Okay, you know what the difference is? Winners don't give up. 

last of our days

Just in time on my reflections on being myself and savoring my life, a friend sent me this video through Facebook. It spoke to me, so am sharing this to everyone. I hope you find something for yourselves in this. Happy day, every all! :)

live life like eating sashimi

In this entry I will tell you a glimpse of my love affair with sashimi is...and how living life should be likened to it. :)

You see, one of my favorite foods in this world is Shake Sashimi (Raw Salmon).  Eating this Japanese delicacy gives me that exhilarating feeling that no other food can ever give me...and the experience is always, always incomparable.

In a Japanese restaurant, my mouth will start to water as I tell the waiter my order of salmon sashimi. After which, my thoughts will begin longing about it. The moment it's served, my eyes widen with excitement and much joy seeing how orange it is. Then, as soon as my chopsticks holds on my salmon, I will begin to feel fuzzy and giddy inside. The moment I put it in my mouth, there is a stillness that would envelope me and suddenly my whole being explodes in excitement and extreme happiness. I would always, always chew my salmon slowly and reflectively. All my senses are directed to it that is why I savor every little bit of it even if I always catch myself close my eyes as I do this. In that short period of time, I have nothing else in mind nor was there anything else that matters, except my sashimi.

Today, in the fourth installment of the series A Life of No Regrets, Bro. Bo speaks about NO RUSH. He said that life should be lived enjoying the present moment without being haunted by the past nor anxious of the future. Because your now is a gift from God--He has blessed you with now and all you have to do is enjoy every bit of it. Whether it may be a prize or a pain which is in front of you, it is God's blessing. Hence, we should not hurry on letting it just go by unnoticed. Deliberate living. Deliberate appreciation of life. :)

I savor my sashimi. Perhaps, I now know how I should be savoring my life. :)

Current Songs: I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing by Aerosmith and Simple Things by Jim Brickman and Rebecca Lynn Howard

reunions feel like an old pair of shoes

Tonight, I spontaneously decided to meet up with Doyti, an old friend from an inter-uni organization I was part of. Conversations over dinner and coffee with someone I haven't seen for years now was something I needed this week. Luckily, we were both free and finally we were able to get together. After hours of catching up, re-telling stories on old loves, and a few commentaries on Philippine politics, I was already contented on this pitstop.

On my way home, I "picked up" Melvyn, another friend from waaaay back in high school along the road. Hahaha! He was hailing the cab behind the one I was riding on when I called him from my rolled down window. I asked him to hop in (since our houses were just several blocks away) and we ended up finding ourselves talking over cups of tea and frap about our lives, people and yesteryears.

Am really happy that no matter how much time has passed, you'll still find old friends whom you can just pick things up from where you left of, know that things have changed but you have not really changed at all. :)

Describe Tonight: COMFORTING


Oh! By the way, I bumped into two other friends whom I just exchanged hellos with. Nice eh?

unproductive

Current Song: Beautiful Day by U2


Describe today: UNPRODUCTIVE

...except that I cleaned my room, fixed my bookshelf, changed my blog template, and danced. Later, I will meet up with an old friend for dinner.

When I meant I was unproductive, I meant I was bar-unproductive. Taking this time off to distract myself and get my wheels moving again. I was sent off-track by some useless thoughts and went pity-partying for the last 48 hours.

Lesson learned for the last 18 hours: Sometimes, doing something is worse than doing nothing. (Meredith said that too in one of the Grey's episodes. It pays to listen sometimes, Faith!)

My promise: Starting Monday, I will be productive again. I have a bar to hurdle, you see?

reflections on my almost near-death experience

late post.
19 April 2010
Coron, Palawan


1) Never swim without surveying your course. Know how deep or shallow the water is. This way you'll know what to expect.

2) Keep looking ahead. Looking down will only scare the hell out of you! Keep your eyes fixed on your goal.

3) Look up, you'll get air. In life the Lord wants us to look up to Him and He'll readily give us the provision we need.

4) Keep swimming!

5) When everything else fails, you have friends who'll come to save you.

note to self: say this more often

a note from a god: it won't be long

Dean Willard Riano wrote this on my Civil Procedure Book. :) Am inspired.

not everyone finds something like this

True friendship multiplies the good in life and divides its evils. 

True friendships feel like family.

take me back to coron

Before the everything starts to be stressful, my law school friends and I went to a trip which will forever etch good memories in our lives. Off we went to Coron, Palawan. :) Although, I initially hesitated to join this trip, am now so happy I changed my mind. Everything was perfect (except for a mishap that almost took my life. hahaha!).

Clear waters. Fine sand. Bright Sun. Fresh food. Chilled beer. Vodka Kurant. Good friends. Much laughter. Good times.

Coron, for now we have to part ways. But I promise to be back.

My summer is now over, but has been perfectly defined.

K for K

Calling all running enthusiasts, compassionate givers or just anybody who wants to have fun and enjoys fellowship!

The Light of Jesus Catholic Community, the spiritual family of The Feast, is organizing a run on 29 May 2010, 5.30 a.m. at the Mall of Asia Grounds dubbed as K for K, Run a Kilometer for Kerygma, the 2010 Kerygma Fun Raiser. This is for the benefit of the ministries it is supporting such as Anawim (our ministry for the abandoned elderly) and other affiliate ministries.

For more info, visit www.lightfam.com/kfork

Easter Feast

Happy Easter everyone!

Today, the whole Catholic Church is celebrating the Resurrection of Jesus from death. This is the focal point of the Faith. :) And today, I celebrated it with my family at the Grand Feast at SMX. All the Feasts around Manila are invited to just this one Feast. 

Bro. Bo Sanchez, started a new series--OVERCOME. 

He spoke about turning our greatest failures into our biggest successes. He likened our lives into a big picture made up of puzzle pieces. That in putting them together, we may find one odd piece that may seem to not fit, yet, little did we know it does fit and it will complete the picture God intend to paint out of our lives. Am now excited to hear the other installments on the coming weeks. :)

 Look for the Feast nearest you and start receiving God's avalanche of blessings in store for you! Be blessed, everyone! :)