sprawling on floors

Sometimes you just find comfort in wallowing. It feels like sprawling yourself down in the cold floor and feeling it against your skin. You'll get the feel of an unnamed emotion growing in the middle of your chest. Then you take a deep breath. For a moment it feels like a great relief--as you let it out as you exhaled. 

If only it's that easy.

Then the hard part comes. 

The chunk of undefined emotion begins to grow. Oftentimes, it overwhelms you. Sometimes, it goes to your eyes and comes out as tears. Big drops of tears coming one after the other. Unrestricted. Uncontrollable. The feeling remains unnamed, unknown but surely makes your heart pound, hands tremble and your eyes pour out. It seeks to be embraced when you start touching it. It cries, "Tighter!" until it silently whispers its name. 

Fear. Anger. Shame. Guilt. Frustration.Worry.

A different name in every different game. They're just all buried up making their way out of your system--your psyche, your body. After they're all out, peace will slowly start to set in. Sometimes it takes a while to fill your empty heart.

Then you'll realize: "Perhaps, God really made me for love and these stuff are just not meant to be here."

More sprawling on the floor when the need comes. For now,  get up and cherish the minute peace inside.

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