daddy said

On my 18th birthday my daddy gave me a letter and he said "You are the architect of your life." That sounded very vague at that time. Seriously, architect? How? My young mind, of course, thought that I "design" my life. But I guess that was too technical for me. Too mannish. I did not fully appreciate the depth of what he meant. Guess, the lines and measurements that I saw in my head made it feel more complicated that what it is supposed to be. 

Now, more than 10 years after, I realize the power of my dad's wisdom. Yes, I "design" my life. I have the power to create the results that I want. I dictate which path I take and what I allow to happen to me. I CHOOSE. I have that power to choose. In my language, it will sound more like, "I write my story on fresh parchment." In more modern terms, I was given a blank white Word page and I can click my life away with words and punctuation marks. There. That felt better and more me.

Ten years ago, my father had set me free! 

Although, I was not able to grasp it completely (that I chose to lie under their wings--hah! it was too comfortable there, you see? Hehe.) I should say that those ten years was time well-spent to surveying the ground, laying the foundation, amassing the funds, knowing where to draw the rooms, what furniture are needed. Those were 10 years of planning...and now, it's time to start building. The frames are well put up; the house now has form. We're almost ready to paint, to usher in the fixtures, to put the flower boxes. 

Although, definitely, it does not stop there--there are still too much to do. But I now like what I see and I am excited. :) 

rain love

Today, I watch the rain fall from the heavens and I feel that it tries to speak to me. It trickles one by one sparingly as though love is trickling in my heart slowly.Yes, this is a time of healing. Just as water gives life to any living thing,  Love is beginning to liven up my long dead heart

I normally do not like rain. But today, I am loving it--as if I want to bathe in it. Oh now, I actually wish it rains heavily just to wash down everything that is unclean.

Water from heaven is love from heaven.

As I watch the rain it speaks to me of how love drenches every human soul. Slowly, steadily and surely.

amnesia and fears

Today, I saw "My Amnesia Girl" starring John Lloyd Cruz and Toni Gonzaga for the second time with two of my close guy friends. Again, it did not fail to make me laugh to the core of my belly. The punch lines were still hilarious and Toni and John Lloyd's chemistry on screen is a good experiment from Star Cinema. They clicked and it's tickling. 

However, apart from laughing and having a great time, I was more reflective of how the lessons of the movies now. One thing I noticed with Apollo (Cruz) and Irene (Gonzaga), was that their conflicts, both inner and relational, came about because they were overwhelmed by their fears and acted out of them. Apollo was afraid he'll lose himself if he marries Irene, that is why he just decided to abandon her on the altar, while Irene was afraid she might lose Apollo for the second time and end up hurt again so she decided to pretend having an amnesia which later made Apollo feel betrayed. 

I do not what to kill the fun, but on a more serious angle I realized that, yes, it is really destructive to act from our fears. We are not ourselves when we let them take hold of us. We make mistakes, serious oftentimes, when we let these fears rule us. Worse, fears make us forget who we are, what we can do and where we are supposed to head to.

In tonight's meeting, TFM Builder, Daddy Obet Cabrillas asked us to reflect on "What could we possibly get hold of or who would be if we do not have any fear." I kept that in my heart and I heard an answer. Perhaps, I'll ponder on it. :)

Perhaps in 2011, I should decide to live with lesser fears. :)

frisbee and catching grace

At the start of this year, I attempted to learn how to play ultimate (frisbee). I may not be the athletic type, but it interested me a lot that I had to play every Monday with my friend's team in Ortigas.

First lesson:  Skills on catching and throwing the disc. It was a bit technical, like when catching the disc one must position his hands, arms, and legs in a particular way. Watching the disc fly towards you can be very intimidating at first. It can also be frustrating. On the first few tries you'll miss it. The disc will fall on your toes, or fly pass you. When you finally catch it, sometimes it will hurt. Eventually, you'll get the hang of it. You'll learn how to estimate the distance between you and your teammate; the speed of the disc; and to which direction the disc will probably go to.

At this point of my faith journey, I realized that catching frisbee is also like catching grace. One must be poised for it. God throws grace towards us--material, physical, emotional, spirtual--name it. Oftentimes it comes unexpected. Precisely why, one must be equipped to catch it without miss, lest it falls on the ground or somebody else catches it.

I had a chitchat with a friend's mom and she reminded me that I am exactly in a position where grace is at my disposal. I may not feel it, but I would like to believe she is correct. It is overwhelming but I hope I've practiced my stance well so I won't miss my grace. :)

Weeks after my skills lesson, my friend was throwing me some sharp curves... and I am able to catch the disc with poise. I can still hear him say, "Niiice. Gumaling ka na ha. (Nice. You're doing great now.)" I wish I can hear that from Papa God too. :)

walking after the Man who called me by name

When He asked me to come and follow Him, I knew in my heart that it was not an easy task. First, I have to leave my boat and nets--a life I am accustomed in. Second, I will tread on a road I have no idea where it'll lead. My only consolation is the fact that I follow a Master whose love is greater than anything there is in this world. Who can ever resist that love?

My "yes" was something that came really slow, stammering and unsure. I did have doubts, fears and worries. Yet, my heart being led to peace in each step I take towards Him. I realized that when I took the first step after Him, my life started becoming less of me. That each step I take is an act of surrender in His love. A love that is never convenient nor easy. A love that is always demanding. A love that should be deliberate. A love which most people might think is insane. For He said, "If you love me, feed my sheep. Love your enemies. Yet, above all love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength." I never knew loving was difficult but surely is rewarding.

I have no idea how far we will still walk on. Surely it'll be a long stretch. In each step, I seek to delight him, love him and keep on walking with Him.