There is glory in agony

I went through my blog and have read a number of entries talking about my law school life, the bar exams and my ardent desire to become a lawyer. I guess, it is really something that my inner self has always cried for. Unfortunately, two attempts didn't prove my efforts to be enough to have my name listed in the Roll of Attorneys. Truth be told, I am getting discouraged and weary. The journey of getting my four-letter title is getting too long and arduous. But I guess this proves that the measure of how much one wants something is the inextinguishable desire to stand up after every fall and the resilience to do whatever it takes just so to reach the goal.

A conversation I recently had with my mom revealed much wisdom to my seeming mishaps. She said, "Wag kang panghinaan ng loob. Tingnan mo na lang ang mga pagsubok na ito na paraan ng Diyos na ipakita sa’yo ang mga bagay na kailangan mong baguhin. Makikita mo, lalabas din ang kalooban ng Diyos sa buhay mo. Alam ko kapag nakalagpas ka dito, mabubuhay ka na sa tunay na success.” (Do not be discouraged. Look at these obstacles as God's way of revealing your weaknesses--things you need to work on. By that, you'll realize the deeper purpose of your life. I know that after you get past this, you'll burst into your way to true success). I have been hearing these words faintly in my heart, but my mom spoke it exactly as I needed to hear. Her words were like a gentle blow of wind that fired my frightened spirit. Isn’t it wonderful how God created parents to really support and guide? In these very rare occasions, I heard my mom speak and her words brought much peace in me. 

For the first time in prayer, I thanked God for the trial and suffering while I was going through it. Normally, I will thank him after, when I have finally got the lesson that the trial wanted to teach me. It’s different now, perhaps, because of the grace of faith that things will surely be better after this. Now, I see glory in agony. My journey to months of toiling for the Bar is beginning once again. With renewed hope, I will embrace each day with extra ounces of commitment, responsibility and passion. For whatever is in store at the end of this road, I open myself to the surprise that awaits—and for whatever it may be, I will wholeheartedly accept. 

A prayer of surrender by Bro. Sheldon Tabile, OCarm

One morning, I was insanely gripping anger and fear in my heart. I sought help from a friend who is a Carmelite brother to intercede for me that Jesus' grace and love may teach me to forgive and let go. This is the prayer he sent me through chat, exactly the same words my heart seeks to say. 

May it touch you and bring the same love and healing in your lives. :)

______________

Jesus, you invited that all those in burden to come to you

and you will give rest.

There are emotions that burden me now-emotions that I want to let go.

However I find myself returning to it.

It seems that my efforts are not enough.

I come to you Jesus,

Seeking for rest; 

Seeking for healing;

Seeking for your immeasurable love

May it overflow to me

May it fill my being;

those spaces that resist to forgive

May Your Love touch those hard parts in me;

may these parts soften

--soft enough, to be kind to others

Touch me o Jesus, 

physically, emotionally, spiritually

that I may be free

from all the burdens

that makes my life heavy

Teach me to let go...

of fears,

hurts,

frustrations,

pains,

problems

And allow You to be in charge of my life

May I always have faith that in very situation of my life...

you are hidden there

You are the surpirse!

This I ask you... because you have promised it to us

--to all those who have FAITH in you.

Amen.

episode 19

After a trauma, your body is at its most vulnerable. Response time is critical. So you're suddenly surrounded by people—doctors, nurses, specialists, technicians—surgery is a team sport. Everyone pushing for the finish line. Putting you back together again. But surgery is a trauma in and of itself, and once it's over, the real healing begins. It's called recovery. Recovery is not a team sport. It's a solitary distance run. It's long. It's exhausting. And it's lonely as hell

The length of your recovery is determined by the extent of your injuries. And it's not always successful. No matter how hard we work at it. Some wounds might never fully heal. You might have to adjust to a whole new way of living. Things may have changed too radically to ever go back to what they were. You might not even recognize yourself. It's like you haven't recovered anything at all. You're a whole new person with a whole new life. - Narration, Meredith Grey, "It's A Long Way Back", Ep. 19, Season 7, Grey's Anatomy