sprawling on floors

Sometimes you just find comfort in wallowing. It feels like sprawling yourself down in the cold floor and feeling it against your skin. You'll get the feel of an unnamed emotion growing in the middle of your chest. Then you take a deep breath. For a moment it feels like a great relief--as you let it out as you exhaled. 

If only it's that easy.

Then the hard part comes. 

The chunk of undefined emotion begins to grow. Oftentimes, it overwhelms you. Sometimes, it goes to your eyes and comes out as tears. Big drops of tears coming one after the other. Unrestricted. Uncontrollable. The feeling remains unnamed, unknown but surely makes your heart pound, hands tremble and your eyes pour out. It seeks to be embraced when you start touching it. It cries, "Tighter!" until it silently whispers its name. 

Fear. Anger. Shame. Guilt. Frustration.Worry.

A different name in every different game. They're just all buried up making their way out of your system--your psyche, your body. After they're all out, peace will slowly start to set in. Sometimes it takes a while to fill your empty heart.

Then you'll realize: "Perhaps, God really made me for love and these stuff are just not meant to be here."

More sprawling on the floor when the need comes. For now,  get up and cherish the minute peace inside.

kabakas 2010

It was a rainy evening and the waters started to rise in front our house. I thought I would not make it. My sister and I was off to meet the Institute of Preaching Lay Missionaries (IPLM) at Robinson's Galleria for a rendezvous with the van driver who'll pick us up for Pililia, Rizal. We're sent for a mission the following morning. to catechize among the locals.  Thank God, we made it just right in time.

The Lord heard our prayers, the sun greeted us in the morning. We heard mass at 7 a.m.. We asked for blessings for the mission we're sent to. The whole group was divided into subgroups and sent into different barrios to preach the good news. I was assigned with Ate Zabeth in the Parish Church to facilitate the free Baptism. 

Although our assignment was relatively easy as regards the environment, it was heart breaking to see how  economical, social and spiritual poverty plague the place. The people had to come from the mountains or the shorelines to avail of the "free" sacrament. Some were so poor that they had to walk for hours just to get to the church. Some were spiritually poor for not even knowing how to pray nor hear mass on a regular basis. My heart cried for these people and asked God to bless their souls even more. I pity the families who had to be baptized altogether. I thought, how in the world would these parents allow this to happen.

When the group met during breaks, we sat and shared stories and I heard far more heartbreaking stories of poverty. There would be a kid who'd exchange his loot bag of school supplies for grocery packs because his family has nothing to eat. In such a tender age, he learns (hopefully not bitter) lessons of sacrifice. Some of the kids do not have slippers to protect their feet. Most do not even go to school.

More than these heartbreaking stories, I was blessed with joy and gratefulness. I realized how far blessed I am compared to these people. I get to buy want I want. I get to eat more than three times a day. I get to study a post-grad course. I am just super-blessed, yet sometimes I feel wanting. Shame on me. 

Although, we've left the town already it has definitely etched its faces in my heart--the people, their situation and their potential. I will surely say a prayer for them in each day. I kept a small promise in my heart to go back--keep on preaching the Good News of  Love and contribute concrete actions to help each of them see and believe that God loves them and they're made to be great. Because, Blessed (still) are the poor, for theirs is the Kingdom of God.

Here are some of the snapshots from Marlon:

i went picnik-ing

My eyes are swollen and I cannot stand reading for a long time. Although, I treated myself to playing in http://www.picnik.com where you can edit pictures in clicks. Super easy and super fun. :) It's like using photoshop but a looot easier. :) Here are some of my artworks. :)

walking after the Man who called me by name

When He asked me to come and follow Him, I knew in my heart that it was not an easy task. First, I have to leave my boat and nets--a life I am accustomed in. Second, I will tread on a road I have no idea where it'll lead. My only consolation is the fact that I follow a Master whose love is greater than anything there is in this world. Who can ever resist that love?

My "yes" was something that came really slow, stammering and unsure. I did have doubts, fears and worries. Yet, my heart being led to peace in each step I take towards Him. I realized that when I took the first step after Him, my life started becoming less of me. That each step I take is an act of surrender in His love. A love that is never convenient nor easy. A love that is always demanding. A love that should be deliberate. A love which most people might think is insane. For He said, "If you love me, feed my sheep. Love your enemies. Yet, above all love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength." I never knew loving was difficult but surely is rewarding.

I have no idea how far we will still walk on. Surely it'll be a long stretch. In each step, I seek to delight him, love him and keep on walking with Him.

To the man

...whose hands are calloused by tireless work
...whose arms which seek to protect
...whose words are oftentimes left unspoken
...whose eyes adore the beauty of the lives he brought
...whose heart is devoted to love
...whose life he is ready to sacrifice

Today, you are honored for the things which are often left unnoticed, appreciated or thanked for.

Papa, thank for giving me life. Thank you for providing every need, and sometimes whims. Most of all thank you for the love.

May life be kind to us and grant us longer years to spend together.

word for the day: talent is not enough

“Belief lifts your talent; Passion energizes it; Initiative activates it; Focus directs it; Preparation positions it; Practice sharpens it; Perseverance sustains it; Courage tests it; Teachability expands it; Character protects it; Relationships influence it; Responsibility strengthens it; Teamwork multiplies it”. - John Maxwell, "Talent Is Never Enough”

Current song: True Colors by Cindy Lauper (Glee Version is also playing on Ipod)

my tuesday treat

... because I finished Book I and the Family Code yesterday. (May pingot na nga lang ang manok ng kinuha ko ang picture na ito. :) )

Current Song:  I Miss My Friend by Darryl Worley