...and it all started here

I was going through my blog and wondered how long has it been existing. So, I went to my very first entry: 25 January 2005.

I cannot remember why I started blogging. If my memory serves me right, I guess this was the time that I started reading blogs by different people. Dating it back, I was in second year law school then. Then it started. My blog was initially a "secret" get away for me. A place where I can dump all my thoughts--and the things I want to say but just cannot say out loud. For almost seven years of typing them all away, I guess, I have shared a great deal of myself in the cyberspace. Although I know I should have written more. :)

With more than 200+ entries already, I know I can write more. :) And I hope to be more vulnerable next time. Hehe.

daddy said

On my 18th birthday my daddy gave me a letter and he said "You are the architect of your life." That sounded very vague at that time. Seriously, architect? How? My young mind, of course, thought that I "design" my life. But I guess that was too technical for me. Too mannish. I did not fully appreciate the depth of what he meant. Guess, the lines and measurements that I saw in my head made it feel more complicated that what it is supposed to be. 

Now, more than 10 years after, I realize the power of my dad's wisdom. Yes, I "design" my life. I have the power to create the results that I want. I dictate which path I take and what I allow to happen to me. I CHOOSE. I have that power to choose. In my language, it will sound more like, "I write my story on fresh parchment." In more modern terms, I was given a blank white Word page and I can click my life away with words and punctuation marks. There. That felt better and more me.

Ten years ago, my father had set me free! 

Although, I was not able to grasp it completely (that I chose to lie under their wings--hah! it was too comfortable there, you see? Hehe.) I should say that those ten years was time well-spent to surveying the ground, laying the foundation, amassing the funds, knowing where to draw the rooms, what furniture are needed. Those were 10 years of planning...and now, it's time to start building. The frames are well put up; the house now has form. We're almost ready to paint, to usher in the fixtures, to put the flower boxes. 

Although, definitely, it does not stop there--there are still too much to do. But I now like what I see and I am excited. :) 

desiderata

"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy."

Bar Account 2011

11.06.2011

I woke up 30 minutes past my alarm went off. I did not hear it ring. I still have enough time, though. After taking a shower and dressing up, my phone beeped. My best friend just arrived to pick me up and bring me to the bar site. We dropped by the nearest fast food for a quick breakfast and to buy lunch. On a rainy Sunday morning of November, I am again set to take the Bar Exam. 

As I entered the gates of the school where I practically lived all my life, I felt at ease. The old Bar jitters dissipated. It was kind of weird but comforting. I filed myself on the queue going inside my assigned building. It was high school all over again! :) I led myself to the third floor. My room was at the corner at the end of the corridor. I smile upon seeing it. It was the old drafting room during my time. Bits of memories flash on my head. As I opened the door, the proctor was already calling out names, arranging the examinees on their assigned seats. I was just in time, I told myself. 

The usual protocol of distributing the answer sheets and questionnaire was done. Except this time, with the advent of computerized checking, we will be using color coded machine readable answer sheets. I got the blue set. I was wearing blue, my ID was blue and I got the blue set. Irrelevant. I just liked that everything seems to be in accord. Hehe. 

At exactly 8 am, the bell rang. That was our cue to start taking the first exam. 

Political Law has always been one of my favorite subjects. I guess, I just always have a political mind. Or yet, systems just fascinate me. The exam was composed of 100 questions which are relatively difficult also. :) After two hours, the bell went off again. Time to submit the answer sheets.

After an hour break, we are set to take Labor Law Exam. Somewhere midway the exam, my back started to ache. Then I realized the questions began to become harder. I did not expect Labor Law to be as difficult. I almost wanted to sleep on it! 

At 12:30, we we're off for lunch. It was a good thing though that I saw a friend from way back who was also in the same room as I am. She also did not have company so we paired up and ate lunch together. Upon getting out of the building, we saw this year's Bar Chairperson who happened to be our professor in Legal Writing back in Law School. We greeted him and he was kind enough to stop a while and chat with us. 

We have 11/2 hours to burn for lunch and a little reading. As soon as we finished our food, we attended to our personal needs and went back to our room. I needed a little breather. The next exam is famous for being a killer: TAXATION LAW. :)

I am happy I drank my canned coffee. I am somehow perked up. Although, I can no longer distinguish if my heart was racing because of the coffee or the exam. :) It was a 75 item exam and I can say it was generally fine. I mean, Taxation Law is expectedly difficult and the questions were fair enough. My exposure at work helped me to answer some of the questions. I hope I fared well.

There. One Sunday down, three more to go. 

When I got out of the university premises, I ran to the nearest Starbucks to get my warm Christmas cup and sticker. ;) 

A prayer of surrender by Bro. Sheldon Tabile, OCarm

One morning, I was insanely gripping anger and fear in my heart. I sought help from a friend who is a Carmelite brother to intercede for me that Jesus' grace and love may teach me to forgive and let go. This is the prayer he sent me through chat, exactly the same words my heart seeks to say. 

May it touch you and bring the same love and healing in your lives. :)

______________

Jesus, you invited that all those in burden to come to you

and you will give rest.

There are emotions that burden me now-emotions that I want to let go.

However I find myself returning to it.

It seems that my efforts are not enough.

I come to you Jesus,

Seeking for rest; 

Seeking for healing;

Seeking for your immeasurable love

May it overflow to me

May it fill my being;

those spaces that resist to forgive

May Your Love touch those hard parts in me;

may these parts soften

--soft enough, to be kind to others

Touch me o Jesus, 

physically, emotionally, spiritually

that I may be free

from all the burdens

that makes my life heavy

Teach me to let go...

of fears,

hurts,

frustrations,

pains,

problems

And allow You to be in charge of my life

May I always have faith that in very situation of my life...

you are hidden there

You are the surpirse!

This I ask you... because you have promised it to us

--to all those who have FAITH in you.

Amen.