way back into love

Finally…my post for “Music and Lyrics”.

I know this has been long overdue. There are just a lot that got into the way that kept me from sitting down and tick on my computer.

The movie was ok. Not really something you’ll go gaga about. It’s one of your feel good movies featuring the handsome Hugh Grant (who by the way sings very well. Stop me, am falling more and more!) and the charming Drew Barrymore. The plot is about a struggling former boy band member, who was forced to come up with a song for a blossoming weirdo pop icon. He later worked on this with his plants water-er. Later they started liking each other and eventually they fell in love. Typical.

But more than anything, I love the OST! “Way Back Into Love” is a blast! I was hooked on it for a week, tell you. It’s the only track playing on my MP3 player. I even invited some of my girl officemates to join my obsession. I lent them my CD (Yes, I bought one!) I send out its mp3 through Bluetooth to almost everybody who asked for it. Waah! Well, for one, I just realized that the words of the song said those I cannot actually say. That’s it.

For your pleasure, you can read through the lyrics and listen to it through my Multiply site. Enjoy.

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way
I feel I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

embracing pain

Rationalizititis (I coined this term) is a psychological condition where when one is faced with a hurtful or confusing situation, such person’s impulse is to immediately find reasons why such is happening. It seems to hasten the acceptance of the unfavorable situation. However, this is mentally and emotionally unhealthy for the person infected since he is denies himself of the opportunity of getting in touch with his emotions and his true self. Often, this results to denial (which may later lead to depression and frustration), low self-esteem, unresolved issues and emotional instability.

The person diagnosed with such should learn not to shrug his or her emotions, but instead acknowledge it, feel it, before letting it go. For worse conditions, a counselor should be seen.

I was once terminal with this disease. I never knew I was sick of rationalizing all the misfortunes that happen to me. I even proud myself for having a strong sense of understanding. Yes, it is a indeed a gift to see beyond what is presented to you, but the detriment of rationalizing things was I lost touch of my inner self. I came of a point of scolding myself when I cry because I am hurt. I usually tell myself that my problem is petty and crying isn’t going to solve it at all. Although, it may be true, but neglecting my emotions became very destructive for my well being.

Good for me that I heeded the symptoms of my sickness. I prescribed a good dose of self-love for me everyday in order to heal from my infirmity. Now, I am going through another bout of pain, I am exercising therapy by feeling every inch of it. Although, my rationalizititis starts kicking in, telling me that there are bigger concerns to cry over, I shut it out and continue on embracing my pain.

I am starting to get better now that I have owned my feelings. At least, it isn’t nagging me all the time, because I have given enough attention to it. Just like any physical wound, once it was given proper medication immediately, the faster it will heal.

I am getting better…

when i finally speak about love

Making the decision to love is only for those who are courageous.

I came from a traumatic boy-girl relationship which actually took its toll on me. I was stupid about love once in my lifetime and I vowed to be wiser after that. It's been more than a year and in a long while, filled with fear, I hid myself from the world with the hope of protecting my bruised self. My fences became my refuge believing that I am safe within them. But I did not realize that clamming up also denies me of the opportunities to love and be loved again.

I again took the leap. I freed myself as I allowed the walls to crumble. It took a while, but nonetheless, I took it conscientiously. I started to open myself up, bit by bit, to one person I felt is worthy enough to entrust my recovering heart. I knew in my heart and my mind that it was the right thing to do. However, the right thing at the wrong time isn’t the right thing after all.

Love is indeed only for the brave—those who are fearless enough to try over and over—knowing that one can never be prepared for anything; knowing that opening yourself to love means opening yourself to hurt as well. And I give myself a pat on the back for having done it again, even if things seem not to work as I expected them to. I woke up from my fantasy that things have to be perfect for me to try love once more. It’s simply about just taking one’s chances and letting love work for you. Besides, everything in life is half chance.

Love dispelled my fears, and love is now giving me consolation. Wherever this leads me, I do not know, but I am hopeful it’s going to be a happy place. I am not closing my doors, but I have to keep on opening more as I move on. Hopefully, I’ll be surprised to find you in one of them.

vday rantings

Arrggghhh! This Valentine fever is stinging me, and I despise it!

Call me a sourpuss, but the flowers and the chocolates are nauseating. I am a romantic person and I strongly believe that affection needs to be expressed. I believe that little nothings can really mean something on a special occasion. I am just like any other hopeless romantic who does feel giddy about giving gifts, most especially receiving them. However, I just find it very impractical to spend so much money on things that would later wither. Besides, during this season most prices of the sweety-itsy-bitsy things rise exponentially.

Please do not get me wrong. I also love receiving somethings from my special someone—I am sentimental too. I also believe that little nothings can really mean a whole lot on special occasions. I am just scornful that Valentine’s Day is becoming more like a fad than a day of celebrating love—and love at the truest sense of it. I feel that our society have evolved into being materialistic, where we have grown to equate love with mere provision. (We have seen this in family set-ups. But I will discuss that in a different article). Love need not be grandiose because it is already big and powerful in itself, if we will only appreciate it.

Love can be declared in a million ways and shouldn’t be hyped in one day alone. Today I realized one thing—Valentine’s day may be special but not more special than any other day. Each day of our lives is an opportunity to share and show love to those we care about. Let us learn not to limit love on flowers and chocolates or on a day alone. Let us recognize that constant expressions of love--a touch, a hug, a kiss, a smile, time and laughter shared, words of encouragement and affirmation, and several acts of service-- on ordinary situations.

flowers and traffic

Valentine's Day have became a commercial fanfare, especially so here in the Philippines. Stores are dressed in pink and red tinsels. Restaurants and bars offer so much discounts for couples who intend to celebrate the "love day" with some food and wine. Chocolates, stuffed toys and flowers are the top commodities for this week. Little nothings that spells love all over. But no matter how lovers want to express their romanticism, practicality still kicks in.

I live near the flower market known as Dangwa. It was popular ever since I remembered for its good quality flowers traded from Baguio at its very cheap prices. Over time, it has became more and more popular to many people including those who can really afford those designer flower arrangements. And since Valentine's day is nearing, (that is two days away as I write this), people start swarming to Dangwa. There are actually two times of the year when this is phenomena happens: V-day and All Soul's Day.

During these times there are just two things that I have observed whenever these come. One, the prices which used to be affordable suddenly escalate by the minute. One must have the dexterity (and the patience) to ask around to compare prices. It pays to do this for you to get the best value for your money. Be equipped with the skill to haggle. Second, traffic is a build up. Apart from the influx of consumers, cars line the sides of the main road for parking. This congests the usually cramped street all the more. I am more concerned about the second one over the first considering that I am a daily commuter. The usual 5 minute ride takes 30 minutes which actually seems forever. Hopefully, in the spirit of love we can work towards community sensitivity as well.

Nonetheless, I am amazed on how we Filipinos exert the extra effort of showing one's affections. Cheers to those who are brave enough to let the world know he is capable of sharing love.

Advance Happy Vday everyone! Spread love.

sixshots

tinsels at silver

If saying "I do" requires a leap of faith, my parents have just insanely lept all over again.

We had just celebrated the 25th wedding anniversary of my parents, Julio and Marilou. Oh! What an overwhelming sight I tell you--to see both mom and dad renewing their marriage vows! At my young age, (as I believe) I am definite marriage isn't something I am ready for. It's not a priority knowing the gruesome responsibility that I would handle in case I already part with those two BIG words. The search of the "one" is already tedious as it is and I do still have somethings I have to fulfill. However,inthis world of permissiveness, I am lucky to have parents who stood by their promise before God and man to remain faithful for richer and for poorer, in sickness and health. I hope they remain fervent to this vow till death do they part.

Ma and Pa, thanks for remaining faithful to each other despite of the complexities of our family life. You two have kept the family intact through our constant efforts and by imploring God's grace. Thank you for being a good parents and I bring back a double portion of blessings for the two of you. May the Lord continue to bless you two with a happy life.

on blogging

I always wanted to maintain a blog site where I can express and perhaps, share my thoughts and opinions about life or practically the things that I encounter from day to day. For one reason or another, I do fail to do this. Maybe it is because I do not have the luxury of time that I fail to work on my sites. Or maybe... I am just making excuses.

I do love to write. I have to admit that this is a gift I have neglected for so long. I can work up with words and the idea of clicking in letters into the screen excite me. It is only recently that I was able to acknowledge my talent. I thought, that if I am good at this, why not make it better or at the very least use it to inspire and share information and, hopefully wisdom. (Oh! Don't let me tell you the opportunities I passed...all water under the bridge)

I vow to do this more often now.