when i finally speak about love

Making the decision to love is only for those who are courageous.

I came from a traumatic boy-girl relationship which actually took its toll on me. I was stupid about love once in my lifetime and I vowed to be wiser after that. It's been more than a year and in a long while, filled with fear, I hid myself from the world with the hope of protecting my bruised self. My fences became my refuge believing that I am safe within them. But I did not realize that clamming up also denies me of the opportunities to love and be loved again.

I again took the leap. I freed myself as I allowed the walls to crumble. It took a while, but nonetheless, I took it conscientiously. I started to open myself up, bit by bit, to one person I felt is worthy enough to entrust my recovering heart. I knew in my heart and my mind that it was the right thing to do. However, the right thing at the wrong time isn’t the right thing after all.

Love is indeed only for the brave—those who are fearless enough to try over and over—knowing that one can never be prepared for anything; knowing that opening yourself to love means opening yourself to hurt as well. And I give myself a pat on the back for having done it again, even if things seem not to work as I expected them to. I woke up from my fantasy that things have to be perfect for me to try love once more. It’s simply about just taking one’s chances and letting love work for you. Besides, everything in life is half chance.

Love dispelled my fears, and love is now giving me consolation. Wherever this leads me, I do not know, but I am hopeful it’s going to be a happy place. I am not closing my doors, but I have to keep on opening more as I move on. Hopefully, I’ll be surprised to find you in one of them.


Anonymous said...

I am glad that at least somehow, I was able to help you out in moving forward. It is true of what you will be useless to wait for someone perfect to arrive because you will never know unless you dive into the sea and sort out the kinds of fish. No perfect fish will jump out of the sea to land in your arms.

Go on and continue opening up those doors. We will never know what is behind each door.

katlin said...

wise words ate pache! :)

I'm also happy that you're moving on bit by bit.. one step at a time and you'll be fine.

I can attest to that relationship you had before, but come to think of it.. it taught you a LOT. Give Love a chance, maybe this time it'l be for you. :)

I and the rest of the "barangay" will always be there for you no matter what. ;)

labshu. mwah mwah. :)

jishinka said...

Thanks kath. =)

Yup, it did teach me A WHOLE LOT! But I really have to thank you guys for standing by no matter what. You kept me sane all of those times. Sabi ko nga ke Gen over one of our coffee sessions, i could have not gotten out of that hole if not for you reaching to pull me out.

Maybe this time...I like that.=) That's the spirit. But it'll come. He will come. =)

labshu tu! mwah mwah!

jishinka said...

and to you anonymous,

my faith on love is still feeble but I am getting the hang of it -bit by bit. Though I've started swimming in the ocean again, I am still (and more)cautious of the perils it may bring. But most importantly, I'm having fun. =)

off topic, sana makuha ko na dive card ko...hahaha!