moving back home or moving out?

Recently, my mom decided that we'll have to leave this apartment that we're staying in to go "home". It was Bar month when she declared that so I did not pay too much attention until she asked me to pack my things the second Monday after the last Sunday of the Bar exams. Initially, I was in a quandary as to what must be difficult. Was it the packing or the thought of leaving? It was too damn hard. It was painful that I had to cry (and tell you it wasn't your moviel-like crying. It was your ugly crying. Really.) Until I started putting my law books in the boxes. I realized it was the whole idea of leaving. See, I never knew any other home for 27 years except this apartment. Yes, we do own the house there in Cavite, but I never lived there. I sleep there but I never actually lived there. This apartment was my home. This is where I grew up. This is where my childhood memories are made. This is where my heart will always be.

I would always complain how noisy my neighbors are or how easy the streets would get flooded with a few minutes of hard rain when in fact the whole Manila is dry. I never thought (or appreciate) how accessible my place is to any point of Manila.  I forgot how almost all my friends hung out here after classes or have spontaneous overnights. I never thought how much this place is a part of me. 

(Boo, this is getting to melodramatic. Forgive me, people) 

Good byes aren't for me. I am not good at it. Always. I hope I'll learn to settle in my new house...then maybe later, I can find my own home. Somewhere, I can really call mine. :) Then, maybe then, it'll be less difficult.

No comments: