some sort of reunion

Last Saturday, Wena, Dang, Donnie, Nina and I were in Araneta for Don Moen's concert. It was fun listening to songs which practically ushered us in our faith journey. Kuya H and Tita Norma didn't make it though. It felt nice worshiping with the same people who were there at the start of it all. It was a night of faith: "God's answers to your prayers are on its way". Yey!

We capped the night with some chit chat over nachos with five layer dip and smothered french fries in Butter Diner. I loved it there. The ambience is so cool. I like the comic strip wallpaper. I love the company of my friends.

welcome, kalell

Paloy already gave birth!


I received a text message from Dang that on July 29, 10.30p Kalell was out! Yey!

Can't wait to see you little angel.ü

Ninang loves you. Mwah.

ramblings on public trains

I am a commuter.

Everyday of my life, I ride jitneys, tricycles, buses, FX and trains going around the metro. And thank God for the trains here in the Philippines! They made my life easier.

During my younger years, I do not like riding in trains. The smothering heat inside its cars makes me all sticky and smelly. Not to add the bodies that is all around you. It was as if a chemical reaction will happen that would set the trains to explode had everybody else stay a little longer than the whole trip duration. Riding trains in the Philippines back then is like subjecting yourself to torture and punishment being all cramped. Not to mention the threat of being picked-pocket. Well, I have to say that things have improved already. The trains are now air conditioned and several cars are provided solely for women, children and the senior citizens. Am not sure about the pickpockets but I do feel safer now compared before.

In every State an improved means of transportation is an indication of progress. There is a lot to improve for us, though.
___________________

Last Saturday on board the MRT on my way to Cubao, I took a seat in one of the train cars which is not exclusive for women. Meaning, there would be men in those cars. (Well, I was just too lazy to walk a little further down the station. Besides, I came from Taft station thus there are still more room in the cars.)

So, from Taft to Cubao obviously people started to fill the train cars to the brim--literally. I just realized that Filipinos do not care about boundaries. I mean, physical boundaries. It's alright for almost everyone to stand skin to skin with strangers. I didn't like it. I feel so unsafe as I stood up from my seat walking through the door and my body is touching all these people as I walk out.

I have been to several countries and I rode on their trains. (That is why, I was later convinced to ride on our trains) But I never encountered overpacked situations such as ours. It's culture so I believe.

But can't we at least respect space?
____________________

More on the previous observation.

Have we not realize that full-packed trains could mean overloading? Filipinos are never wary on these. From time to time our headlines would always bear news of sinking ships, buses turning turtle, and what have you because of accomodating passengers more than it's safe limit. In far flung provinces it is normal for people to squeeze human beings together with chickens and vegetables in every little space available in jitneys. Atop would be another roughly 20-30 people sitting under the sun and hoping to be transported alive to their destinations. It actually seems fun and practical, but is it safe? Think about it?

Under the law on transportation, common carriers are burdened with that extraordinary diligence in transporting persons and goods. This would include enough supervision on the number of passengers a certain vehicle must load for a certain trip. Apart from convenience and comfort of commuters, our transporation authority must first and foremost ensure safety. Check overloading, please.

On the other hand, I urge all Filipinos to look after ours as well. Don't squeeze in yourselves in our trains (or any transpo for that matter) just to get to some place.

Discipline.
______________

Walking out of train stations is also a feat. Filing for tickets is one as well, but getting out is more stressful.

I do not understand why most Filipinos don't know how to queue in line. There are those who will cut through or nonchalantly squeeze in. We are all in a hurry, people! Besides, getting out will be much faster should everyone find a more disciplined way of filing themselves in line.
______________

Til here, I still have to catch the train for school.

project hugs

Towards the end of next month, I will be marking the first quarter of my life in this world.

Yikes! Guess, am really becoming an adult and there is no turning back. Hehe! I like it though. The responsibilities may be quite overwhelming but I know I'll be fine. Am excited and at the same time quite scared.

I love birthdays! For me that is the best day ever--something made simply for you and you alone. And to celebrate this wonderful day, I thought of celebrating it with little angels. I am planning to go to a home of abandoned kids (babies), play with them and shower them with all the hugs and kisses I can give them. I already invited a few of my close friends and they signed in. I have yet to confirm with the home which date I can do this since I prefer it to fall on the weekend before my birthday.

Pray for me, guys that I get a slot.

I am excited. ;)

footprints

In our lives there are people who just pass by and some choose to stay. But whether they simply walked through or they decided to journey with us, they definitely leave indelible footprints which will forever remain.

To you: Hope this isn’t too much to say: Thank you for coming into my life. I am not sure if you are simply passing by or you’re going to stay, but real thanks for helping me decide to be fearless again lest be happy for I deserve it. Holding this happiness inside will keep me moving forward. Thank you. With all that had transpired I just want you to know that I was able to see the heart. May not have been perfect...but little as it is, you’ve done a lot.

this heart is ready to love again

Dear You,

It's been more than 18 months since you walked away and left me all messed up. I knew you would have wanted to escape unscathed but you were left with no other choice but to explain with those empty, silly words when I decided we need to have a face off. You knew I will never let you run away without it hearing from the horse's mouth. You crushed my heart and you tried to take away my faith. I just have to say you failed.

I have let you go. I have learned to love you less. In fact, I do not love you anymore. I have moved on. I have soared and the view from up here is fantastic--the skies, the trees, the flowers are all in a different hue; the birds are chirping and the wind is blowing cold. The people I've met are warm and caring. Yes, am happy with where I am right now. I think I did a good job of rebuilding my life without you.

Although sometimes the clouds still hover me and the temporary darkness illuminates your shadow. I hate it. You've really conquered my soul and I hate it. Your shadow reminds me of how much I've trusted and was betrayed; how I loved and was hurt. Your shadow can be crippling but I strived. And I have strived badly enough, I realize that I am now shining and I am shining bright to dispel your creeping darkness. Yes, I again possess this light you once put off. Yes, the same light that attracted you--even brighter.

Am completely free and I'm ready to love again.

from the other half of those two friends

I received a message from a friend, whom I believe I have shared in one of my entries.

Quoting part of it, he said: "Um, I know for some reason, our paths cross every time, but it ends up quiet after a while again."

I let a chuckle out as I read that line. Seriously, true. ;) I too can't explain why.

Hope you had a great birthday, dear.

kiddos

Today's high: Playing with kids.

This afternoon I played with four of my "pamangkins"--three nieces and a nephew. It is a surprise since these kids never really saw me in that light. I was always the nice-and-would-just-ask-you-how's-school-but-doesn't -play with-us tita. Yes, I was a playmate to them this afternoon. We played sorts of games. I created a game using the nursery rhyme "Little Sunny Water" and they love it. Well, I loved it too. I love hearing them sing the song on their own. I loved it when they were trying to cheat by peeking but still cannot lie that they were cheating. Such innocence! They have to beg on us playing it over and over, which is alright with me. Talk about persistence.

What I loved most is playing "Touch Ball" with them. They are so having the fun of their lives while they try no to be hit by the ball and with all their might throw the ball to their "opponent" with all hopes of getting a point. Beat this: I am even carrying my 3 year-old nephew while running to and fro, whist I allow him to throw the ball to our "opponents". It was tiring. It made me sweat A LOT! My "old" body is telling me to rest but my playmates are just overflowing with energy! I just loved it. I love hearing the kids call my name. I love them laugh. I love them shrill in excitement. I just loved the whole time I spent with them. It was fun. Hmn... I am loving kids!

That's good.

may we finish well

Nothing beats this kind of friendship.

I am so blessed to have you in my life. You are definitely God’s wonderful gift to me. I will tirelessly declare that, perhaps, for the rest of my life here on earth (and until we reach heaven). Through the years, we’ve grown—older and I think, better. I will always look forward to every conversation we share. We’ve known each other inside and out. Thank you for journeying with me, through rough and smooth roads; through tears and laughter; through every season there is. You've always taken care of me and I promise I'll do my best to do the same. Thanks for keeping our friendship sacred.

As we always wish each other: May we finish well. Yes, we will finish well.

Love you always and always… =)

my preacher in blue jeans

Today, one of my mentors is celebrating his birthday--Bo Sanchez.

My faith walk is greatly affected by Bo. It wasn't a breeze but for almost 10 years now, he has faithfulness to his mission, had definitely blessed me. I know the Jesus I now know because of him. He helped me experience a more loving and forgiving God. He shattered my crooked beliefs, he made me see things from a new perspective. He was my "kuya" in this faith journey. He has just inspired me more than anyone could have ever imagined.

Bo, as always, thank you for allowing God to use you to touch people's lives. Thank you for opening your self up to God's love so that others will be blessed as well. It rubbed off me, really. =) Thank you for ministering me through your books and teachings. I will always apprciate your letters too (and the gift for my last birthday! hehe). Thanks for being a friend. I am so blessed. May He continually bless you, Marowe, Bene and Francis. More years to come.

a cloud is passing through

I am not my usual self lately.
I don't like being sad.
I hate the feeling of being nasty.
It doesn't feel nice pushing people away. Especially when you need to do it.
I'd rather sing and dance and laugh and talk about the beauty of life than sulk.
But sometimes, one is not left with a choice.
Emotions come...and they too shall go.
Hopefully, soon...

my ounce of faith

The Lord must love me so much to allow me to go through so much in life and learn from it.
I must be too special in His eyes that He refuses to give me second-class.

Yeah, i really think so.

But sometimes, it's just so difficult to wait for His time to come. It can be lonely too.

Oh God, I love you more than enough to endure all these...knowing at the end of these tests I'm getting my two marshmallows and one big, sweet choco candy.

Hug me please just to remind me you're with me through all these...please.

life is not a race but a journey - jnsoriano

My professor in Civil Procedure is also a columnist in one of the daily papers in the metro. I loved what he said in this one.


NOTE VERBALE
By Jaime N. Soriano

Life is not a race but a journey

Many people treat life as a race. And depending on the individual motivation or personal ambition, it could be a race for fortune, a race for fame, a race for excellence, or a race for affection or a combination of any of these.
The truth is, in every race there will always be someone who would get to the finish line ahead of the pack. And they are very few. Someone will always run faster, climb higher or fly farther. Certainly, it takes a lot of determination and great personal to be on top because not every one could take the limelight or be number one all at the same time. That spot belongs to the fittest.

And the irony of it all is that some people who made it first in the race would just eventually find out for themselves that after all it is still lonely to be at the top, most especially if along the way the winner either purposely forget that there are other more important things in life than the race itself or take a scheming or shrewd advantage of other people, situation and events utterly disregarding the basic rules of decency, compassion and humanity. In this sense, victory is not always sweet, many times it is bitter.

But it does not mean that a person should take a back seat and stop working on his or her dreams. Every individual is endowed with the gift of opportunity to finish the race regardless how far or how lowly is his or her starting line. The fact that someone will always be better or that it is lonely at the top is not an excuse to quit or get laid back.
Every person who dreams of success in their pre-determined endeavors, big or small, should find encouragement, inspiration and motivation from those who achieved ahead their own dreams with flying colors.

Perhaps the better way to treat life is to treat it as a journey. It should not be a matter of who finishes the race first. It should not even be a matter whether the person finishes the race or not. It does not also matter much who is good, better or best particularly if the person makes other people lose just to win.

Treating life as journey should mean making a good difference in the lives of other people along the way towards the finish line. Life is more meaningful for the person if he or she consciously helps other people succeed and not when he or she make others fail or fall to achieve his or her own success. Personal victory is measured not when the individual tells other people that he or she did but when other people say he or she does.

Making a good difference in the lives of others means taking good care of all those people who are part of the journey. In the process, these people would give back the same amount care, support and concern, and more often than not, much more. Feel proud of their achievements and they would also share the same pride because everyone becomes part of each one success.

If life then should be treated as a race, let it be a contest of how others can make others succeed.
Real heroes and champions are never born. They are made by the unsung heroes and the unknown champions who lived and traveled with them in the course of their lives because they too felt that their heroes and champions also took care of them along the way.

Making a good difference in the lives of others therefore also means making a good difference in one’s own life.
Unfortunately, people tend to disregard others and even oneself in a race. But in a journey, there is much time to be significant and meaningful in this fast pace world.

steven curtis chapman live in manila

I can't wait till it's Saturday. =) I will be seeing Steven Curtis Chapman perform live again!

For most people who doesn't know, Steven is the composer/singer of the hit "I Will Be Here". (No guys, it isn't a Gary V. song...Sorry!) He is a contemporary Christian musician and he won five Grammy's already. How is that? =)

I first time I saw him perform was last year in a concert organized by FISH Magazine (thanks to George. Hehe.) I loved him from then and of course the songs! Steven loves to tell stories behind his compositions while performing which i guess puts more meaning for the songs when heard again. My personal favorites are "King of the Jungle", "When Love Takes You In" and "I Believe in You". But my current favorite is "Fingerprints". Been listening to this for almost a month now and I am so addicted to it. Hahaha!

Can't wait... =)

fingerprints

I can see the tears filling Your eyes
And I know where they're coming from
They're coming from a heart that's broken in two
By what you don't see
The person in the mirror
Doesn't look like the magazine
Oh, but when I look at you it's clear to me that

I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece
That all creation quietly applauds
And you're covered with the fingerprints of God

Never has there been and never again
Will there be another you
Fashioned by God's hand
And perfectly planned
To be just who you are
And what He's been creating
Since the first beat of your heart
Is a living breathing priceless work of art and

I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece
That all creation quietly applauds
And you're covered with the fingerprints of God

Just look at you
You're a wonder in the making
Oh, and God's not through, no
In fact, He's just getting started and

I can see the fingerprints of God
When I look at you
I can see the fingerprints of God
And I know it's true
You're a masterpiece
That all creation quietly applauds
And you're covered with the fingerprints of God
You are covered with the fingerprints of God

whew!

I am wounded, perhaps burnt by embolismic expectations from my family, friends and other relationships. Perhpas, I am tired of trying to be the best. But when I come to think that I want to become a lawyer, it eliminates my frustrations. - Justice George A. Malcolm, Associate Justice, Supreme Court of the Philippines

two friends

Sometimes you'll just get to wonder why there are relationships that just can't move from one kind to another.

Sometimes, it's more than incompatibility.

And sometimes, it's not a matter of not telling the person how much you've felt or your intention of transforming it from friendship to something else.

It just feels like there something is holding you from taking that step to cross the line. Or atleast entertain the thought of crossing that line. Fear maybe--that you simply content yourselves with what is available instead of taking the risk of losing it altogether. Fear to later find out that you weren't really meant to share a love relationship and simply end up breaking the heart of a friend.

Or perhaps it's the familiarity that two good friends share throughout almost a decade of friendship and care.

We connect too much on the gut level that we both know we can't force it.

Perhaps, we're really better off like this.

fortune photos

My brother has perspective.

I was checking my multiply account when I came across these uploaded pictures taken by my brother for UST's brochures, posters, and whatever have you. More than nostalgia seeing UST's buildings, I was filled with pride for Jon's talent. And he has a lot more.

I am a proud ate. =)

from daddy's little (grown-up) girl

If there would be one person in my life that I rarely talk about, it is my papa. Ironically, he's one person who occupies a big chunk of my heart.

Perhaps, through the years as I was growing up, I've learned too accustomed to a "no dad" at home. For 13 years since I was nine, my father was away. He was an Overseas Filipino Worker in London. He works in one of the posh hotels there. He has already learned to speak like the Brit, or else , according to him, they won't understand. =) He was a very good provider and kiddingly according to my mother, he loves his kids more than he loves his wife. At the best he could, he was doing "remote parenting".

Needless to say, I am my dad's favorite. I knew it eversince. Or perhaps, I was just lucky enough to have spent the most time with him as compared to my siblings. For nearly half of my life the memories I have were with Papa. He was the one who was rearing me when I was a young girl. We were together for 2 years or so in the province when he thought of putting up a poultry. He taught me how to read, to cook chicken egg by simply putting it on top of steaming rice,and pray before going to sleep. He was the one who patiently takes care of me whenever I would be sick. I hate having a fever when I was younger since I always get nightmares, but each time I would wake up, I would see Papa beside me and I would be fine just snuggling closer. I learned to enjoy the bookstore beacuse of him. Sometimes we'd sneak from mom to visit a bookstore where he'll read and read, while I attempt to read and later play. (I now can stay in the bookstore to read and read, hehe) He knows how I look forward spending Sundays with him. We'd go to a zoo, a park or just stay home and he'll prepare a feast.

However, sometimes when life's realities start to bite, decisions although tough are needed to be made. In the years my Papa was away, yes, a void was created and left at that. But no matter how much the pain may have been for spending a long time without him physically, I know that our love is much more enormous and powerful to redeem the hurt.

They say that the bond between a father and the daughter is special. I believe so. There is just such this understanding that only the hearts learn; a language that only the two of them speaks even without words.

Pop, Happy Birthday and Happy Father's Day too. I owe you a lot. =) I love you more than words can say. Get well soon and take good care of you.

Hugs. Tighter hugs. Mwah.

fortuitous event

Fortuitous event - an event which cannot be foresen, although foreseen is inevitable (Article 1174, New Civil Code of the Phlippines)

The clock reads 4:20. It was a warm, humid Thursday afternoon and I am rushing for the first meeting in my Torts and Damages class at 4:30. I went up the second floor of Claro M. Recto building to check my room assignment.

"104. Ok, downstairs."

Then I saw a notice which contained my course title, professor's name and ASSIGNMENT: first page of the outline. At the lower right side portion was the date of the immediately preceding day written in blue ink.

"Whew! He is not coming to class!" I went to the Dean's office and asked for the attendance sheet, when the clerk said: "Andito si sir."

Whhhaattt!

Does that mean that assignment is for today's class? On the first meeting?! My head began to panic. My clock reads: 4:25. How could that be? Did I miss that notice last night? I was here for my International Law class and I was sure I wasn't able to see that bill. I have no time to argue with the Dean's office. So, I rushed to my assigned classroom and asked my classmates about the outline. Most of them said they just learned about it only on the same day. And in a split of second, a tall, buffy guy in white polo shirt entered the room. He's here!

He took his place on the platform and started calling the roll. Lucky for me, my seatmate is nice to lend me her photocopy of the outline. While waiting for my turn to be called, as he still asks personal details (perhaps to get to associate us with certain facts), I was reading through the paper in front of me and remembers as much as my brain can.

Then we saw him held the outline. Anxiety started to spread among us. "Sh*t! His up for recitation!" A few of my classmates were called, most sat down with no answers to my professor's query.

To cut the long story short, I was called for recitation. Waahhhh!

Part of law school's training is recitation. No law school is without it. It's the Socratic approach of learning where the professor asks pertinent (sometimes impertinent) questions to check what the student knows and to train them think on their toes.

This is something I missed for the past almost 2 years, but to be caught unprepared is a different story altogether.

I was standing there for almost 10 minutes, trying to gather my thoughts, compose my self, deliver my answers to the professor and wishing he'd ask me questions with which I have answers. The first few minutes or so was manageable. I have answers to his questions which I suppose are correct as he picks up the discussions from there. I can feel his excitement thinking I studied. My head is screaming: "No, sir, you are getting the wrong impression here. I do not know anything."

There is a rule we law students adhere during recitations: Less talk, less mistakes. But in this case, I cannot. If I do not talk I won't get a grade. Then, he asked me to discuss a case which I can only relatively remember from my previous subjects. It's about a driver of an automobile hitting a pony causing the rider to be thrown away, thus entitling him for damages. But I was mixing the facts of the case. God, I am incriminating my self.

"Miss De Chavez, did you read the case?"

"Previously, sir."

"Previously. Hmn...How about recently?"

"No, sir". My mind is screaming: "How could I?! I just saw this freaking outline just as you came in this freaking classroom!"

I can exercise my right to be heard (which I did when he asked why). But in law school recits, there is no such thing as a valid excuse. They are all the same bananas--EXCUSES. Dura lex sed lex. The law may be harsh but it is still the law. In law school, no one is invincible.

Just when you least expect it. Murphy's law perhaps. What a luck (or badluck)! Whatever you call it. I hope I got an equitable mark for that very embarassing moment. Nothing to rant about really, been through this several times. But I guess, I have to get the hang of it again. My fortuitous event for my first semester as of my return to law school.

I hope that never happens again. Sigh.