irreplaceable

***Allow me to lash, just this bit...

Irreplaceble
Beyonce Knowles
listen: http://jishinka.multiply.com/music/item/8

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left

Mmmm to the left, to the left,
Everything you own in the box to the left
In the closet, thats my stuff
Yes, if I bought it, then please don't touch (don't touch)

And keep talking that mess, thats fine
Could you walk and talk, at the same time?
And its my name thats on that jag
So go move your bags, let me call you a cab

Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable

So go ahead and get gone
Call up that chick, and see if shes home
Oops I bet you thought, that I didn't know
What did you think
I was putting you out for?

Because you was untrue
Rolling her around in the car that I bought you
Baby, drop them keys
Hurry up, before your taxi leaves

Standing in the front yard, telling me
How I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
How I'll never ever find a man like you
You got me twisted

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I'll have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable

So since I'm not your everything
How about I'll be nothing? nothing at all to you (nothing, nothing)
Baby i won't shed a tear for you (I won't shed a tear for you)
I won't lose a wink of sleep (a wink of sleep)
Cause the truth of the matter is (truth is)
Replacing you is so easy

To the left to the left
To the left to the left
MmmmmTo the left to the left
Everything you own in the box to left
To the left to the left
Don't you ever for a second get to thinking
You're irreplaceable

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)
You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout meI can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinkin' (baby! hey yea

You must not know 'bout me
You must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
Matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)
You can pack all your bags we're finished
Cause you made your bed now lay in it
I could have another you by tomorrow
Don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
You're irreplaceable

into the deep

I just started my diving lessons. This is something that I have never thought I would be daring to do considering my fear of the open waters. I know how to swim but I also had my share of stories about people being taken by the big blue sea.

So, I mustered myself and off we went to Puerto Galera. We spent several days learning the principles and the technical skills needed to explore the underwater. (Well, the skills are basically to keep yourself safe in an unfamiliar place. )

When I finally get my chance to dive into the deep, I was amazed with the life down under. Colors are surprisingly vibrant and the fishes are all over. It was as if I was swimming inside a huge aquarium, only this time, this is real. Life is so beautiful and God has made an earth for us to enjoy.

We do still need to finish our lessons since we have to abort several dives because of the current. Anilao, here we come... =)

missing PAI

I'm starting to get the feel of not having work. It's fun. Exciting too since I will be doing something I've always wanted. Liberating, however getting used to doing something day in and out for a year gets you to miss it when it's practically gone.


More than anything I miss the people that I've got the chance to work with (and kid on the side...hehe)

I'll see you still guys...

cargo:

you made my stay more fun. really...=) thanks...

(i'll be uploading more pics...I just have to look for them in my desktop.)

according to jessica zafra

I got this from Kat Quijano, who used to be one of the EB members of UCSC and whom I have found to have very sound political opinions. The article below is from Jessica Zafra on how to vote and I totally agree to this. (Plus, I love Jessica Zafra's style of writing. Great.)

How to Vote
by jessica zafra

It’s really very simple.

Do not bedaunted by the sheer number of candidates vying for your vote. The fact that there are so many candidates does not mean there are too many choices, only the appearance of choice. I mean, look at them. By a simple process of elimination you can figure out whose names land in your ballot. Bear in mind that the desire to serve your country, no matter how sincere,does not in itself make you fit to hold public office. I want to play in a Wimbledon final, but am prevented by my total lack of tennis-playing ability. As for popularity, it is a qualification for winning elections,but not for doing the job (or knowing what it is). In the absence of a real party system, you have to look at the individuals. Here is a partial list ofthe candidates you cannot vote for.

A. Flaming idiots. That should get rid of at least half, and I’m being charitable.
B. The illiterate and ignorant.
C. The demonstrably inept.
D. The obviously corrupt.
E. Mayoral and gubernatorialcandidates with no managerialexperience whatsoever.
F. Senatorial wannabes and congressional aspirants who have no idea what the Constitution is.
G. Candidates with no actual plan.

You’ll find it is a very short list. Yes, we all wish we could elect thebest that the nation has to offer, butoften we have to settle for the leastatrocious of a disastrous lot.

manny pacquio in congress

Last night, I just heard from the news flash that Manny Pacquiao have finally decided to run for Congress. I do not know how to react on that, but I was trouble by the fact that he had give in into the pressure that the "Trapo’s" have been giving him.

While the other week, I read in the newspaper that Cesar Montano is in fact running for Senate too. I adore Cesar’s prowess of acting and directing. I love to see him on silver screen. However, my insides cringe by the thought of seeing him debate on the Higher House’s podium. I would know this is no drama.

The Philippine Political arena has really grown to be a circus. It was been dominated by people from the entertainment industry and the like. I strongly disagree to this, although I do not discount the fact that they too can contribute a lot to address the pressing concerns of our countrymen. I disagree because I feel that most of the opportunists are taking advantage of them as their "poster boys and girls" to perpetrate their evil plans. More so, I am not confident as to their skills in handling national concerns. I do believe that in their heart of hearts that they too have the desire to serve our motherland. But sometimes, desire is not enough to get things done. Skills are also imperative.

I love our country, The Philippines and it crushes my heart to see that the choices I have for my leaders to whom I can entrust my rights to are incredible. I value democracy and good governance. It just pains me more to know that these concepts seem oblivious to most.

I do not want to lose hope.

Hong Kong

My HK trip last 04-06 March, was a blast! We opted not to join the guided tour and it was definitely a totally different experience! We are actually left to oursleves to go around, ride the MTR, walk around the city and find our way to the various destinations we wanted to see.

Ernest's familiarity of the city helped a lot, but the thrill of using the map and figuring out which train station to take is definitely something I enjoyed. I am a traveller. Travelling is definitely a thrill, so what we had for those three days was really some I loved.

We went to Ocean Park, Victoria Peak, Disneyland and A LOT of stores! HK is famous for shopping and we did a lot of that. Sale is sale and I spent some dollars on that. The food was great too. Authentically Chinese...hehe!
More than anything, I did enjoy the company of the people I was with--Pinky, Ernest, Iona, Tina and Ellen.

Till next trip, guys!

next attraction

I will be posting my next entry soon...

HK Trip account coming next.

Please hang on.

hues and shades

a sense of belonging

I dropped by my former school's campus after a cup of coffee with some officemates. There has actually been a lot that has changed--more commercial establishments, new buildings, and faces I barely recognize. Basically, everything new, except for the memories that I kept. There wasn't any sting of nostalia whatsoever, but I just realized how I seem not to fit in it anymore. For the first time, it dawned to me that I no longer belong here. Even if the environment still seems to welcome me, I knew I should be somewhere else. Finally, I have grown from the school girl that I was to a more mature woman that I am now.

I have practically grown up in UST, not mention I was born there. And even though I deny it, it has shaped me who I am. Am proud to be Thomasian and a Dominican at that. However, a year of being detached from "home", gave me new eyes to see with--a new sense of being. My experience outside the confined walls of my alma mater gave me a broader vision of things, which made me appreciate life better. I realized that life is sweeter when you dare to taste it's bitterness; that when you dare what you think weakens you, you eventually becomes strong; that strangers can be nicer than I had perceived them to be. When I sent myself out of the shelter of my university campus, it meant a great deal to me. I was REALLY out of it. All these years, I thought that life is all about my university and what's happening in it . I failed to see what is beyond. I failed to see reality. All these years, my university life was reality--a reality which I kept so dear, that I actually do not want to let go of. Memories that I relieve now and ever. However, in life, everything just keeps on changing. I was afraid, but I knew my visit tonight assured me that I am ready to move out there. UST is sending me out with all its blessings, knowing that I was groomed to be great, because she prepared me to be one. I hope not to fail her.

I knew that I belonged in the school I practically lived in. But now, I realized I belong to a bigger world. Much more than the perimeter of my university campus. I now am growing up.

way back into love

Finally…my post for “Music and Lyrics”.

I know this has been long overdue. There are just a lot that got into the way that kept me from sitting down and tick on my computer.

The movie was ok. Not really something you’ll go gaga about. It’s one of your feel good movies featuring the handsome Hugh Grant (who by the way sings very well. Stop me, am falling more and more!) and the charming Drew Barrymore. The plot is about a struggling former boy band member, who was forced to come up with a song for a blossoming weirdo pop icon. He later worked on this with his plants water-er. Later they started liking each other and eventually they fell in love. Typical.

But more than anything, I love the OST! “Way Back Into Love” is a blast! I was hooked on it for a week, tell you. It’s the only track playing on my MP3 player. I even invited some of my girl officemates to join my obsession. I lent them my CD (Yes, I bought one!) I send out its mp3 through Bluetooth to almost everybody who asked for it. Waah! Well, for one, I just realized that the words of the song said those I cannot actually say. That’s it.

For your pleasure, you can read through the lyrics and listen to it through my Multiply site. Enjoy.

I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed

I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way
I feel I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

embracing pain

Rationalizititis (I coined this term) is a psychological condition where when one is faced with a hurtful or confusing situation, such person’s impulse is to immediately find reasons why such is happening. It seems to hasten the acceptance of the unfavorable situation. However, this is mentally and emotionally unhealthy for the person infected since he is denies himself of the opportunity of getting in touch with his emotions and his true self. Often, this results to denial (which may later lead to depression and frustration), low self-esteem, unresolved issues and emotional instability.

The person diagnosed with such should learn not to shrug his or her emotions, but instead acknowledge it, feel it, before letting it go. For worse conditions, a counselor should be seen.

I was once terminal with this disease. I never knew I was sick of rationalizing all the misfortunes that happen to me. I even proud myself for having a strong sense of understanding. Yes, it is a indeed a gift to see beyond what is presented to you, but the detriment of rationalizing things was I lost touch of my inner self. I came of a point of scolding myself when I cry because I am hurt. I usually tell myself that my problem is petty and crying isn’t going to solve it at all. Although, it may be true, but neglecting my emotions became very destructive for my well being.

Good for me that I heeded the symptoms of my sickness. I prescribed a good dose of self-love for me everyday in order to heal from my infirmity. Now, I am going through another bout of pain, I am exercising therapy by feeling every inch of it. Although, my rationalizititis starts kicking in, telling me that there are bigger concerns to cry over, I shut it out and continue on embracing my pain.

I am starting to get better now that I have owned my feelings. At least, it isn’t nagging me all the time, because I have given enough attention to it. Just like any physical wound, once it was given proper medication immediately, the faster it will heal.

I am getting better…

when i finally speak about love

Making the decision to love is only for those who are courageous.

I came from a traumatic boy-girl relationship which actually took its toll on me. I was stupid about love once in my lifetime and I vowed to be wiser after that. It's been more than a year and in a long while, filled with fear, I hid myself from the world with the hope of protecting my bruised self. My fences became my refuge believing that I am safe within them. But I did not realize that clamming up also denies me of the opportunities to love and be loved again.

I again took the leap. I freed myself as I allowed the walls to crumble. It took a while, but nonetheless, I took it conscientiously. I started to open myself up, bit by bit, to one person I felt is worthy enough to entrust my recovering heart. I knew in my heart and my mind that it was the right thing to do. However, the right thing at the wrong time isn’t the right thing after all.

Love is indeed only for the brave—those who are fearless enough to try over and over—knowing that one can never be prepared for anything; knowing that opening yourself to love means opening yourself to hurt as well. And I give myself a pat on the back for having done it again, even if things seem not to work as I expected them to. I woke up from my fantasy that things have to be perfect for me to try love once more. It’s simply about just taking one’s chances and letting love work for you. Besides, everything in life is half chance.

Love dispelled my fears, and love is now giving me consolation. Wherever this leads me, I do not know, but I am hopeful it’s going to be a happy place. I am not closing my doors, but I have to keep on opening more as I move on. Hopefully, I’ll be surprised to find you in one of them.

vday rantings

Arrggghhh! This Valentine fever is stinging me, and I despise it!

Call me a sourpuss, but the flowers and the chocolates are nauseating. I am a romantic person and I strongly believe that affection needs to be expressed. I believe that little nothings can really mean something on a special occasion. I am just like any other hopeless romantic who does feel giddy about giving gifts, most especially receiving them. However, I just find it very impractical to spend so much money on things that would later wither. Besides, during this season most prices of the sweety-itsy-bitsy things rise exponentially.

Please do not get me wrong. I also love receiving somethings from my special someone—I am sentimental too. I also believe that little nothings can really mean a whole lot on special occasions. I am just scornful that Valentine’s Day is becoming more like a fad than a day of celebrating love—and love at the truest sense of it. I feel that our society have evolved into being materialistic, where we have grown to equate love with mere provision. (We have seen this in family set-ups. But I will discuss that in a different article). Love need not be grandiose because it is already big and powerful in itself, if we will only appreciate it.

Love can be declared in a million ways and shouldn’t be hyped in one day alone. Today I realized one thing—Valentine’s day may be special but not more special than any other day. Each day of our lives is an opportunity to share and show love to those we care about. Let us learn not to limit love on flowers and chocolates or on a day alone. Let us recognize that constant expressions of love--a touch, a hug, a kiss, a smile, time and laughter shared, words of encouragement and affirmation, and several acts of service-- on ordinary situations.

flowers and traffic

Valentine's Day have became a commercial fanfare, especially so here in the Philippines. Stores are dressed in pink and red tinsels. Restaurants and bars offer so much discounts for couples who intend to celebrate the "love day" with some food and wine. Chocolates, stuffed toys and flowers are the top commodities for this week. Little nothings that spells love all over. But no matter how lovers want to express their romanticism, practicality still kicks in.

I live near the flower market known as Dangwa. It was popular ever since I remembered for its good quality flowers traded from Baguio at its very cheap prices. Over time, it has became more and more popular to many people including those who can really afford those designer flower arrangements. And since Valentine's day is nearing, (that is two days away as I write this), people start swarming to Dangwa. There are actually two times of the year when this is phenomena happens: V-day and All Soul's Day.

During these times there are just two things that I have observed whenever these come. One, the prices which used to be affordable suddenly escalate by the minute. One must have the dexterity (and the patience) to ask around to compare prices. It pays to do this for you to get the best value for your money. Be equipped with the skill to haggle. Second, traffic is a build up. Apart from the influx of consumers, cars line the sides of the main road for parking. This congests the usually cramped street all the more. I am more concerned about the second one over the first considering that I am a daily commuter. The usual 5 minute ride takes 30 minutes which actually seems forever. Hopefully, in the spirit of love we can work towards community sensitivity as well.

Nonetheless, I am amazed on how we Filipinos exert the extra effort of showing one's affections. Cheers to those who are brave enough to let the world know he is capable of sharing love.

Advance Happy Vday everyone! Spread love.

sixshots

tinsels at silver

If saying "I do" requires a leap of faith, my parents have just insanely lept all over again.

We had just celebrated the 25th wedding anniversary of my parents, Julio and Marilou. Oh! What an overwhelming sight I tell you--to see both mom and dad renewing their marriage vows! At my young age, (as I believe) I am definite marriage isn't something I am ready for. It's not a priority knowing the gruesome responsibility that I would handle in case I already part with those two BIG words. The search of the "one" is already tedious as it is and I do still have somethings I have to fulfill. However,inthis world of permissiveness, I am lucky to have parents who stood by their promise before God and man to remain faithful for richer and for poorer, in sickness and health. I hope they remain fervent to this vow till death do they part.

Ma and Pa, thanks for remaining faithful to each other despite of the complexities of our family life. You two have kept the family intact through our constant efforts and by imploring God's grace. Thank you for being a good parents and I bring back a double portion of blessings for the two of you. May the Lord continue to bless you two with a happy life.

on blogging

I always wanted to maintain a blog site where I can express and perhaps, share my thoughts and opinions about life or practically the things that I encounter from day to day. For one reason or another, I do fail to do this. Maybe it is because I do not have the luxury of time that I fail to work on my sites. Or maybe... I am just making excuses.

I do love to write. I have to admit that this is a gift I have neglected for so long. I can work up with words and the idea of clicking in letters into the screen excite me. It is only recently that I was able to acknowledge my talent. I thought, that if I am good at this, why not make it better or at the very least use it to inspire and share information and, hopefully wisdom. (Oh! Don't let me tell you the opportunities I passed...all water under the bridge)

I vow to do this more often now.

wacky in a wedding

moving out...and on

Parting is always hard.

When I finally decided that I would be leaving the company, I suddenly realized how I've actually forged relationships with several people. With this realization, leaving start to become bittersweet.

The thought of leaving behind newly made friendships creates some form of nostalgia. Yes, I grew roots here and it still pains to pull myself out However, fulfilling a dream is more important for me than anything else. I guess, this is something I owe to myself.

The thought of counting days and sharing experiences together, just seem to be more of a challenge this time. I just hope that in spite of the distance, as regards time and space, we'll manage through. I really hope.

The trade-offs of life can be very interesting.

at breakpoint

The past two weeks have been tough for me. The pressure of coming up with a decision whether to accept a job offer or to completely resign from the company took a real toll on me. I was confused more than ever! My soul was stressed, which have manifested in my health as well. I’ve been yelling out to God for help but to no avail—or so I thought. Faith tells me that during this moment, God’s grace did not and would not depart me. However, my anxiety and the turmoil in my head overwhelm me that I cannot think as straight as I should. I am vacillating from one decision to another, which isn’t a good sign.

I wrestled with God for answers. Will I take on the offer? Will I resign? Is this what I really love to do? In which path will be He bless me more? Where will I be completely happy? Amid all these parade of questions, God remained silent. Maybe, the noise inside my head deafens me. My head has been swelling with all the thinking that I have been doing. I felt so helpless with all the power that is in my hands. I have to arrive at a decision. I need to choose. My time is ticking out.

My struggle finally ended on one morning of grace. Rising from bed, without a complete sleep, I headed for the church to say confession and hear mass. I am desperate of God’s grace! I thought, maybe the reason why I can’t seem to hear God is because there is something that block my heart from heeding his call.

I arrived at the chapel right on time. I immediately proceeded to the confessional and bared my sinful self before God. I wept in sorrow and shame for offending God, neglecting myself and hurting others. It was a feat, but God’s love is overwhelming that it conquered my inequities. I clearly felt the Fatherly love of God through the soft but reprimanding words of his priest. His caring words resided in my heart and convicted me to be more faithful in pleasing God. “It is a commitment to stay away from temptation.”, his last words echo in my head. “Find joy in God, above everything else. You’re now whole, strive not to break yourself.” he added before I leave. This reminded me of how the Lord remains steadfast in blessing and loving us despite of our malevolent use of our gift of free will.

Slowly, the Lord is opening up my eyes and ears to what is most important—Him. My choices here on earth are all collateral and non-essential, if I lose sight of Him. I did lose sight of Him and I suffered the consequences. My penance was to attend the ongoing mass and stay away from sin. I stepped out from the confessional liberated. I continued to cry, but this time, it is because of the overwhelming love of God for me. I fet like a little child enveloped in the caring arms of my Father. I am amused of how magnificent and perfect God’s love is—that no matter how big the sin, he’s all ready to forgive. His love is so pure that it casts out even a trace of fear.

My tears still express pain as well. My grueling task of self-discovery isn’t over yet. I still have not reached a decision on my predicament. I continued on listening to the homily of the priest. The Gospel was about people being desperate of God’s healing. I am desperate of God’s healing too! I turned my ears to him, waiting for a word that would answer my questions. Then he said, “We desperately pray for something—each of us. Hold on to that one thing that you have always prayed for. Our God is a God of postponed blessings”. These words fell like crashing glass all over me. God heard my plea and he directed me. Jesus met me at breakpoint! How awesome! My eyes felt warm, and tears uncontrollably well out one after the other. My God is a faithful God! He answered my prayer for direction. I do have something that I have been praying for so dearly. I just now have to hold on and pursue that dream and God will bless me—not shortcuts.

I am still crying until the mass nearly ended. I cried like I never cried before. I did not care whether people stare—this is my moment with my God. I bet it pleases Him to see me run and cry to Him. My tears praise Him, a profession that His grace is more than enough. When the priest concluded the mass, I said a few more prayers of protection and firm guidance, and I walked to work. Peace started to settle in my heart and joy is brimming. I now know what to do. Ü